Kitchen
I am so damned tired.
Yesterday just drained me. Being out in the cold, working late... and all the stress of what happened with Jess. Christ, I hardly slept at all last night. Couldn't stop thinking about it.
I want to do right by the Kid, be the best Dad I can. But I have no fucking idea what's right or wrong here.
We didn't get done on set until almost ten last night. Was too late to go see Jess. When I realized it was gonna be that late I begged off for a smoke break -- yeah, I cheated -- and called him on his cell. I told him I wouldn't make it over to talk, and promised I'd keep what happened to myself at least for the night. He sounded relieved. I guess it was a good thing we ran late -- would have looked a little weird, me showing up a D's to talk to him privately. Dorothea would have known in a second something was up.
I asked him if everything was okay with his girl, and he said yeah. She was freaked out -- rightfully so -- and she's scared I'm gonna call her parents. I promised Jess that was the LAST thing I would do -- if anybody's calling anybody it ain't gonna be me doing the dialing. No fucking way. At least he breathed a little easier over that.
So I figured I'd sleep on it and it would all be clearer come the light of day. No such fucking luck.
I'm not gonna have time to see Jess today either -- I'll be on my way to Texas when he gets out of school. I told him under NO circumstances is he to make a repeat performance in his bedroom at my apartment while I'm gone. He swore he wouldn't. Said he didn't think his girl would ever set foot in my house again anyway.
I'm assuming he only has ONE girl at the moment....
I'm gonna pick Jess up from school Monday and we're gonna go have a long man-to-man talk. I have the weekend to figure out what to say.
That ain't enough time.
But I have this nagging little feeling in my gut that I have to tell Dorothea something. I think she'll keep a cool head, understand what I'm trying to tell her without me actually having to say the words. I really want to run it by Cate too, but there's another sticky situation -- how can I tell her and not Dorothea? Or vice versa? Jess would be mortified if he found out Cate knew about me walking in on him.
Fuck. So much for this getting easier.
And now I have to go pretend to be happy and romantic.
I wish Cate was here. I need her to hold me and tell me everything's gonna be okay....
Uh oh, Poor Jonny! Imagine having to deal with what looks like a younger version of himself, doing exactly what he was doing. Cate should have the answers, if he decides to tell her.
ReplyDeletehmm.... Jonny, maybe you should talk to YOUR dad about it, maybe he has an answer for you ;-))
ReplyDeleteI really think Cate would know in a second something was up.
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ReplyDeleteI hate spelling errors, hence the deleted post above, anyway as I was saying ;-)
ReplyDeleteYep Jon is definitely between a rock and a hard place with this situation. Does he betray Jesse's trust and confidence by discussing it with his wife and ex-wife? Does he preserve the decision he and Dot made to effectively co-parent and let her in on what took place? Tough decision either way.
I had a minor incident with my daughter recently(thank god not like Jon's) and decided the best way to handle it was just between her and I. I did fill my husband in on what went on though because he is her father and I didn't want to keep secrets but I did let him know that her and I had discussed it, worked through it and we left it at that. For now that's what worked for us. I think I handled things well on all sides but really who knows?? Parenting doesn't come with a playbook and you spend a whole lot of time second guessing yourself. In the end all we can do is what feels right at the time, hope for the best and deal with things as they arise.
Good Luck Jon.