Monday, February 7

11:40 pm
Finally Home

Fuck, what a LONG day.

Just got home about a half hour ago.  Cate was already asleep.  She looked exhausted, poor thing.  Didn't have the heart to wake her up to say hello.  Just kissed her forehead and dragged my ass to the shower.

Well, I think I got things under control.  Jess and I had good afternoon.  Picked him up at school, went for coffee.  Talked for awhile about how his weekend was, what's going on in school, how the Super Bowl was, yadda yadda.  Then we got into the real topic, what we were both kinda tiptoeing around.  My son's sex life.

It became obvious pretty quick that Starbuck's was NOT the place for that conversation.  So Jess and I went out for an early dinner.  Things were a lot more comfortable over a pizza.

He breathed a big sigh of relief when I told him how I planned to handle things with his mother.  He of course wasn't wild about me telling her anything, but he understood why she needs to know there's something going on with him.  She needs to know I've got this part of the parenting thing covered, she doesn't have to worry about it.

I think I saw a little smirk from Jess when I said that.  The Kid was probably thinking "Yeah, sure Dad.  You got it covered.  And I already got it all figured out."

Anyway, we had that awkward "So, Son... is there anything you want to ask me about?" moment.  Then I realized I sounded like Leave it to Beaver's Dad so I just said.  "Aw, fuck it.  I used to be your age.  What do you wanna know?"

Well, that opened up the Pandora's Box.  I started out by telling Jess a couple stories from when I was his age, just to get the ball rolling.  It worked, he actually relaxed and admitted he's not exactly new to this sex thing.  He lost his virginity this summer, in the Hamptons.  To an older woman, no less.  A 17-year-old.

He actually opened up quite a bit, told me the story of how it happened, how it wasn't at all as good as he thought it would be.  I had to chuckle, told him my first time sucked too, but it gets better.  Jess wholeheartedly agreed, said it's a lot better after a few tries.

I didn't quite know what to say to that, other than to ask him how many partners he's had.  I was relieved to hear he's only had 3, counting his little summer fling out on the beach.  Plus this friend of Steph's and another girl he hooked up with early in the school year.

We talked about how guys and girls are different, especially at his age -- how girls want the whole romantic thing and guys pretty much just want to get laid.  He agreed with that, but said he and these girls -- both of them -- are friends.  Actually "Fuck Buddies" was the phrase he used.  That kinda shocked me.  Apparently High School girls have changed a lot since the early 1980s, ha ha.  Now apparently they want sex without commitment as much as the boys do.

Anyway, I just told him that even if they are just "Fuck Buddies" to treat whatever girl he's seeing with respect, be a gentleman.  Don't talk shit about her to his buddies, don't trash her reputation.  And for God's sake use a condom EVERY time.  I ain't ready to be a Grandpa yet, and he doesn't need to experience VD first-hand.

I also told Jess he can talk to me anytime about this -- even if I'm on the road, he can call me day or night.  He said he knew that, he always did.  But he admitted he was a little embarrassed and he didn't know how I'd react when he told me he wasn't a virgin anymore.  I gotta say it made me a little proud when he said he thought I'd probably be cool about it, and that he was glad he was right.  I mentally patted myself on the back when he said that.  I'm a Cool Dad, ha ha.

So as we talked and ate pizza Jess opened up a little more, got a little more comfortable.  But I about choked when he asked me if I remember my first blowjob.  I had to be honest -- I promised myself I would be up-front and candid about everything with Jess.  So after I stopped coughing and wheezing I said "yeah."  He asked me to tell him about it.

So much for up-front and candid.  I quickly decided there are degrees of up-front and candid.  I told him the stripped-down version of the truth: when, where, how it happened, and that it felt good.  The girl knew what she was doing (actually she was 19 and I was 15 but I wasn't going to tell HIM that), and she made it a very pleasurable experience.  Apparently Jesse's first BJ didn't go quite so well.  Poor kid.  I just told him that's part of the growing up thing; as you mature and gain experience it gets better.

After all, a good blowjob is one of the finer things in life, ha ha.

Thank God he didn't ask me about going down on a girl.  We'll save that for another time.  I may need booze to have that conversation.

So, after that Jess asked me to tell him about what it was like to be a rock star and have women throw themselves at me and offer to do whatever I wanted them to.  I tried to be honest, but I quickly realized that I didn't want to tell my kid about threesomes in the back of the bus and banging a chick in one bed while Richie did her friend in the other and having naked chicks waiting to suck my dick when I bounced off stage and slammed tequila shooters before the encore.

Of course he's seen the photos and heard the legends, but I told him a lot of that was embellished.  Like those Playboy pics -- hell yeah it was fun to have naked chicks crawling all over me and grabbing my joint for the camera, but it was just a photo shoot.  I admitted to Jess I was a little wild in the early days, but when Dorothea agreed to give me another shot I cleaned up my act and was devoted to her.

It shut him up pretty quick when I said I didn't need to screw anybody else but his mother -- she was almost more than I could handle.  Ha ha.

Anyway, we talked a couple hours, and it was good.  I told Jess I understand what he's going through and I'll always be here for him, but this is something he needs to think a lot about as he proceeds.  I'm not dumb enough to think he's gonna stop trying to get laid -- Hell, he's a Bongiovi.  His dick has a mind of its own.  But  I also didn't want him to get the idea my place is some kind of swinging bachelor pad now, where he can bring his girls for a little love-shack party.  I hope he's smart and careful about where he hooks up... but it ain't gonna be in my house.

So by the time I got him home to Dorothea I was completely wiped.   The traveling, the weekend, the conversation, it all caught up with me.  I told her I'd call her tomorrow and we'd have coffee before I head over to Penn State for rehearsal.  Guess I'll have to talk to Cate on Thursday, when I'm back for a few hours.  I need to tell Dorothea what's going on first, then I'll fill my wife in.  I know she'll understand.

One down, two to go.

God, parenting is exhausting.