Thursday, May 26

10:30 am
Preparing for Takeoff

In my seat, got a Hot Babe by my side... headed for Sin City.  Vegas, Baby!

The minute we get checked in I'm shucking off my clothes, putting on my trunks and flip flops and shades and heading for the pool.  Gonna do nothing but snooze in the sun all afternoon.

Well, maybe I'll have a couple drinks with little umbrellas in them.  And do a little bikini-watching, heh heh.

My wife's bikini, of course.

Yes, Cate... I know you're peeking out of the corner of your eye, pretending to read your magazine.

But I love you anyway, you Snoop.

OW!  She pinched me!  Bully.

So last night after she finished laughing Cate agreed to go to Prom with me.  I told her the whole story about Jesse and Kayla and my suspicions about his ulterior motives.  And that after much debate, Dorothea agreed to temporarily un-ground Jess to go to the Prom, but only if I go along to keep an eye on him.

I wasn't sure Steph was gonna be too keen on that -- it is HER Senior Prom, after all -- but those were the terms of the deal, so I took 'em.  And D made sure I'm not backing out; she texted the Chairwoman of the Prom Committee right then and there to volunteer my chaperone services.  And got a confirmatory reply.  So now there's no wussing out.  I'm going to Prom, apparently even if Jess fucks up again and gets re-grounded.

When I broke the news to Jesse I gave him a good long lecture about how lucky he is that his Mother agreed and how I expect him to be on the straight and narrow for the rest of the school year.  And to get good grades on his finals.  And to cut the crap with his attitude toward Momma.  In fact, I told him he better kiss D's ass for letting him out of the doghouse for one night.

And that he'd damned sure better not stir up trouble with his sister.

Then I gave him a hug and told him good luck, ha ha.  He's gonna work out the plans with his date and will let me know when we get home Sunday.  I guess Cate and I will work out our plans this weekend.  Got a couple long flights ahead, I'm sure we can come up with something.

I didn't go to my Prom, so I'm not quite sure what to expect.  Cate did the Prom thing when she was in High School but it was a whole different experience than what my Kids' school puts on.  Cate said hers was more like the Enchantment Under the Sea dance from Back to the Future, only with bad 1980's music and fashion, ha ha.

This could be fun.

Got a lot to do in a short time when we get home from Vegas, for damned sure.  Dorothea's taking the kids out to the Hamptons house for the weekend and she's having a birthday party for Steph on Monday.  Then it's Prom and Graduation.  Plus a couple other things I've committed to.

But it's gonna be a special week.  My Baby Girl's all grown up.  A lot of big moments in her life these next few days.

I'm not gonna cry.  I swear.  Not in public, anyway.

Cate just snorted when she read that (even though she's NOT reading over my shoulder, ha ha).  Yeah, she's probably right -- I'm gonna be a big ol' Wuss, especially when I see her walk down the aisle in that cap and gown.

Alright Dammit, I gotta stop now.  I don't need to be a weepy-ass girly-man.  I'm on my way to three days of fun and sun and vacation and debauchery.  Gotta get my mind straight.  Need a little Elvis, a little Rat Pack.  Which my Darling Wife so thoughtfully loaded up on my iPod last night.

Bright light city gonna set my soul
Gonna set my soul on fire
I gotta whole lotta money that's ready to burn
So get those stakes up higher....

Heh heh.  Gonna be a fun weekend.


2:00 pm Vegas Time
Pool

OH MY GOD.

My Wife is EVIL. E-V-I-L.

She sent me down here to the pool by myself, told me to get her a daiquiri and a chaise, she'd be along in a few minutes.

I'm an obedient husband.  I did what I was told.  I got her a chair, I ordered her a drink, I laid out her towel and set out the sunscreen, got myself all ready to rub it on her back.

I was laying here sipping at my pina colada when she comes strolling over, all sexy in that turquoise bikini of hers.  That is, sexy except for the GIANT pair of feathery, blingy sunglasses.  She looked like she just hijacked a showgirl in the lobby and glued half a headdress to her shades.

And Cate just stood there, grinning as she watched my stupid-looking face while the lightbulb clicked on in my brain.

It was HER!  The fucking Groucho glasses!  And the Elvis and Elton ones too!  SHE was the one who put the band and the crew up to no good, trying to drive me bat-shit crazy out on the road!  My own WIFE!

And all along I was confiding in her, telling her how nuts those little stunts were making me, asking her advice on what to do... And all along she was just laughing her ass off at the Poor Befuddled Singer.

Her first recruit wasn't the usual suspect, either.  She said she didn't even let Davey in on her involvement until a couple shows in.  No, I was betrayed by the strong, silent one.

Fucking Tico.

I'm gonna get his ass for this.

And apparently X was in on it too -- he's the one who kept turning the screws a little tighter, with the bowties, the hats, the Elvis shades and the Elton getups...  He was my Wife's number one Minion.  He's the one who relayed Cate's marching orders to Abby so she could go get the stuff before each planned Fuck-With-The-Boss episode.

Fucking Evil Geniuses, all of them.

Cate says she thought I needed a little something to distract me from missing Richie.  And to keep the crew laughing, keep morale up.  She knew that last leg was gonna be hard on everybody 'cause we were tired and road-weary and a man down.  And she knew that the best way to unite the team was to gang up on the Boss, ha ha.

Apparently they really like fucking with me.

As flabbergasted as I am, I'm touched by the sentiment behind Cate's little prank.  She takes care of me in so many ways, ways I don't even realize.  Or particularly appreciate, ha ha.

Besides, my Wife looks too fucking sexy for me to be mad at her.  And when she sat down beside me here on the chaise and rubbed her teeny little bikini-top against my chest and kissed me stupid... Well, I'm willing to let bygones be bygones.

Even if she is still wearing the damned glasses just to mock me.