Tuesday, May 17

9:45 am
My Room

I'm absolutely stunned by this morning's news.  I was sad and surprised to hear last week that Arnold and Maria were splitting.  But today's news -- Holy Shit.  Arnold has a child out of wedlock.  From an affair.  With one of their household staff.  And he kept it secret for over 10 years.

Jesus.

I'm no Saint.  Lord knows I've had my indiscretions, done things I don't even want to think about.  Hurt Dorothea in ways she'll never admit.  I more than most can understand how things happen, how the pressure of being in the public eye can lead you to make bad decisions.

But I can't even comprehend how you can have an affair with a woman who is your wife's confidant, who is married, father her child, and keep it a secret from everyone.  Your wife.  Her husband.  Your children.

How do you live with yourself?

And how the Hell do you keep it under wraps when you're running for Governor and serving two terms?  Jesus, the scrutiny that family has undergone, especially with Maria being a Kennedy... I'm pretty damned good at hiding my skeletons, but this is something else.  Unfathomable.

This news is just so sad.  I feel for all of them -- Maria, the kids, even Arnold.  He's the one who seriously fucked up, but as a friend and someone who's walked at least a few steps in shoes similar to his I can certainly empathize with the pain he must be feeling now.  I've been there.  It's almost unbearable.  Especially when it's of your own making.

But most of all I feel sorry for the child.  If what's being reported is even half accurate, that poor kid's world is crumbling around him or her.  Everything is different now:  Daddy's not Daddy; Mama's a liar, there are brothers and sisters who you thought were just playmates.... Holy Shit.  I just can't even comprehend what that poor kid is going to go through.

What is it with the world these days?  Have we all become so self-centered and callous that we've completely lost even a tenuous grasp on what's good and right?  What love is all about, what loyalty and devotion means?

I know I'm not a Poster Boy for clean living.  I'm far from perfect.  My own marriage failed, but not because of my screwing around.  It was deeper than that; over the years I became a different man and Dorothea became a different woman.  It sounds like an excuse, and I suppose when you boil it down it is.  But at least we were honest with each other, through all the shit, up to the end.  And now we're able to live our lives as friends, raise our kids as loving parents.

I pray my own children will never have to go through that kind of pain.

I've been lucky.  I've had two great loves in my life, strong women who love and have loved me despite all my flaws.  Who put up with my bullshit.  Who support me in ways I'll probably never even comprehend.

Who keep me alive.

Gonna call my Wife and remind her how much I love her.  And then I'm gonna count my blessings again.

5:15pm
Venue

Sonofabitch!!!!!

Fucking Groucho Glasses are back AGAIN.

And now everybody's wearing bowties, too.  What the fuck is next?  Goddamned top hats and floppy shoes?

I'm the fucking BOSS.  Somebody better break and tell me what the fuck is going on, Goddammit.  But every time I demand to know what the hell this Groucho thing is all about I just get funny looks, like I'm nuts.

I get no fucking respect.


6:35 pm
Dressing Room

Alright you Smartass Motherfuckers.... who switched out the mirror in my wardrobe case?  With a fucking Funhouse Mirror?

Just because I say I have a LardAss doesn't mean I want to SEE a LardAss, Goddammit!  I look like a 6-foot-wide midget in this thing!  When I get my hands on the Evil Genius behind all this goofy-ass fuck-with-the-lead-singer shit....

(I'll never admit it out loud, but it IS pretty fucking funny.)

My money's on Davey.  This is too good to be an amateur deal.

Payback's a Bitch, Mr. Bryan.