Monday, July 4

1:05 am
Patio

Apparently I am an Ass.

At least my ex-wife thinks so.  And my Wife agrees.

Maybe that's why I'm sitting out here on the patio by myself in the middle of the night.  While my Wife is up in bed by herself, which she made clear is the way she wants it.  And while my ex-wife is out in my Guest House banging my ex-lawyer.

And both of my Wives -- current and ex -- called me a selfish prick because of the way I was treating them.  Each other.  Whatever.

I probably shouldn't have had that second glass of wine.  It didn't mix too well with my pain pills.  Apparently it also made me run my mouth.

I came back from putting Jakey and Romey to bed and sat out here on the patio with Cate and Dorothea and Ted.  We had a fire going in the pit, it was a nice warm summer night, everybody was having a nice conversation.  Dorothea snuggled up to Ted and he put his arm around her and they started playing kissy-face.

And for some reason it made my blood boil.   I thought I was cool with the idea of D having a serious relationship.  Rationally, I am.  Good for her, I say.  I've moved on, I found Cate, I got married.  She should get to do the same thing.

But I couldn't stand watching her suck face with Ted.

So what do I do?  I start chattering away like a drunk monkey.  Dragging Dorothea down memory lane, about all the romantic places we went when we were married, all the good times we had.  I could tell she didn't quite know what the Hell I was doing, but she went along with it for a little bit.  I think she was trying to not make a big deal out of things in front of Ted, not let on that she thought I was being a moron.

I was so wrapped up in reminding Dorothea about the wonderful parts of our marriage that I didn't even notice when Cate didn't come back from her trip to the kitchen.  Until I wanted to refill my wine glass, that is.

That's when Dorothea excused herself and dragged me into the kitchen with her under the pretense of getting another bottle of wine.  When she got me inside she ripped me a new one for trying to show off in front of Ted and for being an insensitive prick to Cate.  She told me I was a self-centered, egotistical ass who didn't even think twice about how much me going on and on about how great my first marriage was would hurt my second wife's feelings.  Then she grabbed a bottle of wine and stomped back out to the patio.

After I got over the tongue-lashing D gave me I went in search of Cate.  Found her on the back patio, around on the ocean side of the house, curled up in one of the rocking chairs, staring the waves.

I sat down and asked her what she was thinking about, and she turned and gave me a look like she was ready to reach down my throat and pull out my still-beating heart and chuck it into the ocean.  She said she was wondering how she managed to marry such a Gigantic Dickhead.  And she didn't mean that as a compliment to my anatomy.

Before I could ask what was wrong she lit into me about how I have no fucking right to be jealous of Ted or possessive of Dorothea.  She said the second I signed the divorce papers I gave up any claim to D's heart or her mind or her body or her soul.  And that I was acting like a boastful bully, trying to one-up D's current boyfriend right out of the gate by bragging about all the wonderful things I gave Dorothea back when we were together and in love.  Cate said it would serve me right if Dorothea ripped my nuts off and stuffed them in my big mouth.

And then I just had to add fuel to the fire.  I pointed out that I just had my nuts sewn back together.  For Cate.  Dorothea made me clip 'em, and Cate got me to un-clip 'em.

Turns out that wasn't nearly as funny as I intended it to be.  It came out totally wrong.  Made both Cate and Dorothea sound like ball-busting Bitches, which is not how I think of them at all.

But Cate didn't stick around for my apology.  She just stared at me for a minute, then got up and stomped away, back into the house.  I smacked myself in the forehead a few times, then followed her.  By the time I caught up with her she was already in the bedroom.  She went in the bathroom to brush her teeth and slammed the door in my face.  Ordered me through the door to tell Dorothea goodnight and relay her apologies for ducking out of the conversation.

Well, I did the only thing I could.  Exactly what I was told to do.  With my tail between my legs I slunk down the stairs and out to the patio to face the music, ready to apologize to D and Ted and anybody else who happened to be out there.

But there was nobody here.  Dorothea had apparently had enough of my shit; she and the full bottle of wine she pilfered from the kitchen and her boyfriend were gone.  And they took their wine glasses.

So I crept back into the house, back upstairs to my Wife.  I tried to apologize to her but she was already in bed, curled up on her side with her back to me.  I could tell she wasn't asleep, but she refused to even acknowledge my presence.  Gave me the total cold shoulder.

So I grabbed my book and came back down here.

Guess I'll be sleeping out here under the stars tonight.  Good thing I brought a blanket.

9:45 am
Bedroom

I think I may be okay with the Missus now.  My groveling seems to have worked.

I didn't actually sleep on the patio last night.  Too many damned bugs.  I came to bed but it was clear from Cate's posture she wanted nothing to do with me.  She was asleep with her back to me.  So I made sure I stayed on my side.

Got up early this morning and hobbled down to the kitchen.  Made coffee and eggs and toast and a nice little fruit salad, put it on a tray.  I went outside to pick a rose from one of the bushes and came back in to find Steph in the kitchen, eating one of the toast points off my carefully-prepared tray.

When I yelled at her for eating Cate's breakfast she noticed the rose in my hand and gave me that smirk that is so completely her Mother.  Then know what my Baby Girl said to me?  "Really fucked up this time, huh Dad?"

I told her to shut up and asked her what the fuck she's doing up so early anyway.  She just rolled her eyes and went in the living room and turned on the TV.

So I put my little rose in a cup of water and put it on the tray and hobbled up the stairs to the bedroom.  Set it on the dresser, then went over to the bed to wake up my Wife.  Tried to kneel on the floor beside her but that didn't work with the brace, so I ended up sitting on the edge of the mattress and stroking her hair.  She kinda fluttered her eyes open and looked at me for a minute and I gave her my best smile.

Then she swatted my hand away and told me to leave her the fuck alone.

So I leaned over and kissed her ear and apologized again for being a stupid fucking idiot.  Used that soft, sexy voice she can't resist.  But she did resist.  She pulled her pillow up over her head and mashed it against my face.  Stubborn woman.

So then I decided not to play nice.  I pulled the sheets off her and tickled her.  Ha ha.

Cate always insists she's not ticklish, but she's a liar.  She's very ticklish, in the right spots.  So she squirmed around and shrieked and hurled a few curse words at me, and tried to beat me with her pillow.  I had to kinda half-lay on her to pin her down while I tortured her.  Ha ha.  Take that, you stubborn minx.

And as usual, I won. It wasn't long before she let me kiss her, then she was kissing me, then she was taking my shirt off and yanking at the velcro straps on my knee brace.

Breakfast was damned good, even if everything was cold by the time we got around to eating.  Heh heh.