Wednesday, January 27

3:30 pm
Jersey House

My wife kicked me out.

She's officially sick, doesn't want me around, so she told me to pack my shit and get out.  I assume she'll let me come home when she feels better.  Hopefully.

Cate had to go back to court this morning and barely survived.  She was able to give most of her testimony yesterday afternoon, but had to go in to finish up this morning.  When she got home yesterday she was absolutely exhausted.  She took a bath, ate a little soup, and went straight to bed.  She let me cuddle with her a little bit then I just left her alone and let her doze and watch a movie.  She was asleep before 9:00, poor thing.

I woke her up this morning and didn't think she was gonna make it.  She was weak and warm, but she insisted she had to be in court at 9 am so she got up and got going.  I had to leave before she did, my Doc's appt was at 9 but I had to get there early to get all my lab work done.

After the doc I had to run a few errands. When I got home after lunch Cate was there, in bed, sick as a dog.  Feverish and clammy and stuffy and just miserable.  Poor Baby.  I tried to give her a hug and she snarled at me to get the hell away from her, pack my shit, and get my ass out of the apartment.

Her way of telling me she loves me, ha ha.  She doesn't want me to get sick, especially since I have the Parker Center show tomorrow night.  She told me to come out to the Jersey house and stay here until she felt better.  It's easier anyway, since the show's at Starland.  Especially with this lovely weather.

But I'd rather be there to take care of her, even though she won't let me.  When I protested she threw a box of Kleenex at me and told me to stop being stupid.  A true sign of affection, ha ha.  Hopefully she'll get through this bug or whatever it is in the next day or so.  I'm going home after the show tomorrow night whether she wants me to or not.  Even if I have to sleep on the couch I'm gonna be there in case she needs me.  Even if she infects me.  After tomorrow's show it won't matter.

Unlike my Darling Wife, apparently I'm in excellent health right now.  But my pride is smarting a little bit.  I love doing the annual physical almost as much as I love going to the fucking dentist.  Nothing like starting your day starving from having to fast all night, then having to piss in a cup, then getting jabbed in the arm by some ten-year-old lab tech and having him suck about a gallon and a half of blood into those damned little tubes, then getting a finger shoved up your ass.  Charming.

Then to add insult to injury, I get to talk to the doc about being old, ha ha.  My Doc's a good guy, I've been seeing him a long time and we've done social stuff together, but it's still kinda uncomfortable to have to answer all those questions about my dick and how often I take a dump and all that.  This time we spent what seemed like an inordinate amount of time talking about my "sexual performance."

I have a feeling Doc thought I was bragging, ha ha.  He kept saying it's completely normal for men my age to have occasional to frequent performance problems.  I assured him I have no problem getting it up or keeping it up--I'm as horny now as I was when I was 19, ha ha.  Just ask my wife.

That lead to a whole other conversation--Doc said he heard I had gotten married and congratulated me.  He asked me about Cate, about her background.  Then he asked me a couple questions that kinda pissed me off even though I know he was asking in my medical interest.  First he asked me if I am "currently monogamous."  My initial urge was to respond "Hey Asshole, I'm MARRIED," but I realized how hypocritical that would sound.  Not like marriage kept me completely monogamous before, as Doc knows.  But I'm proud to say I am now, and I told him so.  Then he asked me if Cate is monogamous, and if she has been tested for STDs and AIDS.

That question smacked me in the face.  It was the last thing I expected.  Of course I immediately answered that I'm positive Cate is completely faithful to me, but I had to think about the other half of that question.  Finally I realized she must have been tested for STDs because she's done all her gyno stuff.  They do that then, don't they?  If she had something wrong it would be caught then?  Anyway, I'm sure she's clean; I'm the only guy she's slept with for almost 2 years and before that... well, it's not like she was some kinda slut.  Shit, she had one partner in the year before we met, and that was a one-time deal.

I never would have survived a drought like that.  Guess I'm the slut.

As for the AIDS thing, I'm sure she has to be tested for HIV as part of her required yearly cop physical.  She told me once that they all have to do regular blood tests to rule out "biohazard exposure."  Guess that's what that means.

Anyway, once I got over myself Doc and I talked about my and Cate's sex life, and he kept circling around the whole "You sure you get it up that often?" question, ha ha.   Next thing I know I'm telling Doc about how excited I am that Cate and I are thinking about trying to have a baby.  He gave me a quick rundown of how vasectomy reversal works -- YIKES -- and told me there's no reason he can think of why it shouldn't be successful in my case.  I'm healthy overall and disease-free and I quit smoking and I work out, so things should be fine.  He did tell me to lay off the booze, though -- a glass or two of wine is fine now and again but if I want my swimmers to work 100% I should cut back.

That's a sacrifice I'm totally willing to make.

So I left the Doc with another pat on the head and a warning to take care of my joints, to stop drinking so much, and to wear sunscreen.  And a handful of literature about vasectomy reversal and male sexual dysfunction.  Doc still doesn't believe me, ha ha.

Then I went home and my wife told me not to touch her.

So here I sit out in Jersey, watching the snow come down.  By the time it's over we're gonna have a good pile on the ground.  Hope it doesn't affect people's ability to get out to the show tomorrow night -- want to raise as much cash for Parker as we can.  It's a great organization.

The river is beautiful in the winter; sitting here with my guitar and missing My Cate.  I'll give her a call later; hopefully she'll be feeling a little better.  If she is maybe we'll come out here this weekend and just relax and talk about the future.