Friday, March 25

10:40 am
On the Plane

Headed to Vancouver for the last two shows before our month off.

A whole, blissful month of normal.  Of home.  Of me and Cate together every day.

Of me recovering from getting my Nuts Cracked, ha ha.  And of Cate and I starting this new, exciting chapter of our lives together.

Got the whole family (except Cate, of course) on board the Jovi-Jet.  Davey's playing Candy Land with the Chuckleheads, Jess and Steph are off in their little iPhone worlds.  Dorothea's reading a book, across the aisle from me.

She looks really pretty today, with her hair all twisted up and her reading glasses on.  I've always liked her in her glasses.  They make her look almost as smart and sexy as she really is.

I took her out to dinner last night.  Just the two of us, no kids or friends in tow.  I kinda felt I owed it to her after springing that piece of news on her, about Cate and I starting a family.  But I wanted to spend some time with her too, to thank her for being such an amazing woman and a good friend.

After all we've been through it would have been easy for her to be bitter, to make my life Hell.  But she's not that way.  Not just because we have kids together, but because that's just Dorothea.  She's a genuine person.  No games, no drama, no pretenses or ulterior motives.  She's just who she is.  That's the thing I admire most about her, I always have.  She's always been the strong one in our relationship, so much stronger than me.

She was the one who was strong enough to walk away, even when we both knew it was over.  We'd still be married, living separate lives, if she'd waited on me to make the move.  I would have been content, but not happy.  Not happy like I am with Cate.

In a way I have Dorothea to thank for Cate, too.  I would never have taken that movie role if D hadn't prodded me into it.  I never would have gone to Georgia for training.  And I never would have met Cate.  I'd probably still be wandering through this world alone and incomplete, searching for my other half.

Our evening out was nice.  A little hard, a little sad, but ultimately good for us both.  Yesterday morning I went to D's room and apologized for what happened at breakfast, but she wasn't ready to talk about it yet.  We took the kids out to a museum and lunch and then to the beach, so we didn't really have any time alone when I could talk to her during the day.

Richie offered to babysit the Chuckleheads last night, so I jumped at the offer and convinced Dorothea to let me take her to dinner.  I know she was trying to avoid talking to me about Cate, but she relented.  We went to this great Spanish place Richie recommended, right on the ocean.  Food was great, view was gorgeous.  They even had live music, so Dorothea and I danced some.

It was a nice night.  Reminded me of those few-and-far-between romantic dinners she and I would occasionally steal away to back when we were married.  Maybe if they hadn't been so few-and-far-between we'd still be together.

Anyway, we talked for a long time.  Really talked, not just me spilling my guts and her listening and playing shrink to my neuroses, like usual.  I started out by apologizing again for blindsiding her with my news.  She totally understood -- she knows what a moron I can be, ha ha.

I told her (almost) the whole story, about how Cate has always felt about wanting children, like she didn't deserve them, in a way.  And about how bewildered she was to discover she really does want to have a baby.  And I told D how excited I was when Cate admitted that to me, how I miss having little ones around the house, especially since Steph's almost a grown woman.

And I admitted I'm secretly hoping we have a little girl.

Dorothea asked me about my surgery, how it works and what the recovery will be like and what the risks are.  I told her what I learned from the website and my Doc and from my research.  She laughed when I told her about finding those YouTubes, too.  I know she wanted to call me a Dumbass, but she refrained, ha ha.

I also told her how scared I was when Cate had her biopsy last month.  About how terrified I was that she might have cancer.  Dorothea asked me some questions about that, and then she actually ended up teaching me a few things about woman stuff.  Turns out she's had problems of her own, fibroids and stuff.  She never told me because they started happening toward the end of our marriage and after Romeo, so she just didn't feel like I needed to know.

That made me feel a little hurt, that she didn't tell me that she was having health issues.  God knows I don't want anything to happen to her either.  But I guess I can't really bitch that she didn't disclose her personal medical issues to me when I didn't tell her about my vasectomy reversal.

Our conversation was good in another sense, too--it made me really think about the gravity of this little Parenthood Project Cate and I are embarking upon.  Dorothea, in her usual no-nonsense, no-agenda way, asked me the one question I wasn't prepared to answer:  What if it doesn't work?

I assumed she meant the vasectomy reversal, so I brought up the sperm harvesting option.  Dorothea pointed out that sperm harvesting would only be relevant if we had to do IVF, which would be a ways down the road and after at least some frustration and disappointment.  She also said she didn't only mean my reversal; what if Cate had her own fertility challenges?

That stopped me in my tracks.  I told D that Cate's exams were all fine; her gyno gave us thumbs-up.  But in the back of my mind I remembered the cautions Dr. Seuss gave us about Cate's age, my age, etc.

I guess I looked worried because D reached over and squeezed my hand. She said she wasn't trying to scare or discourage me, she was just thinking of Cate and wondering if it would be hard for her, emotionally.  And if it would be hard for me since I so clearly have my hopes sky-high about being a Daddy again.

I kinda stumbled around that answer for a minute, then I realized the truth.  I'd be crushed.  Ever since Cate even mentioned the idea of us having a baby I've been over the moon, so excited I can hardly stand it.  I was praying she'd say yes, that she wanted to have my child, and when she did I felt like I was flying.  And if it doesn't happen.... well, I don't even want to think about it.  Yes, it would be disappointing to Cate but it would be heartbreaking for me.

I admitted all that to Dorothea and she actually got tears in her eyes.  She said it was because she could tell how much I want this and she doesn't like the thought of me going through that pain.  But I think at least a little of her sadness was because I want it so much with Cate.  What I used to want with Dorothea, and her only.

Wow, when I read back over this it sounds like the evening was a total downer.  But in reality it wasn't.  It was a good talk, an honest one.  The kind we've always had, I've always needed.  And I still feel like a shit for blindsiding Dorothea in front of Richie, but what's done is done.  She's forgiven me, I have to let it go.

After we got through the hard part we talked about anything and everything -- the world, the band, the Foundation, her work with the school, the kids, politics, religion... Hell, even sex.  The Big 3 no-nos of dinner conversation are supposed to be Politics, Religion, and Sex, right?  Well, we hit 'em all, ha ha.  And we drank wine and slow-danced and smiled and laughed and held each other, almost like we used to.

We closed down the restaurant.  I was actually sad when it was over.  I think Dorothea was too.

So onward and upward with both our lives.  Together but apart.  One thing for sure, things aren't gonna get easier, they're gonna get crazier.  Especially as the Chuckleheads get older.  And when Baby Bongiovi #5 comes along...  Well, they'll get even crazier and harder... and better.  But I'm glad to know Dorothea will be one of the first ones at the hospital to welcome her to the family.

Class act, my ex-wife.

And so is my now-Wife.  Yesterday when I called Cate and sniveled "Baby, I have something to tell you..." I got the expected answer.  A big sigh and "What did you do now?"  When I told her what happened Cate called me an idiot -- deservedly so -- and asked if Dorothea was okay.  At that point I didn't know, but I filled Cate in this morning.

Surprisingly Cate was okay with my little slip of the tongue.  She pointed out that I was probably gonna have to tell them soon anyway, otherwise how would I explain the frozen peas in my pants and the fact that I had to hobble around and not work out for the next month or so?  Good point.  I hadn't thought that far ahead.

But as for the "Hey, we're gonna have a baby!" announcement, she said we should probably keep that under our hats until she's actually pregnant.  It may take a long time and we don't want it leaking to the press--or to my parents, ha ha.

She also said she doesn't think we should tell the kids yet; Jakey and Romeo probably won't care but Jess and Steph may be a different story.  Cate said I should probably talk to Dorothea about when to tell them.  I tend to agree.  Other than that if we want to tell close friends we trust, Cate doesn't have a problem with that.  But otherwise, we need to keep it quiet.

I think that's pretty sound advice from wise counsel.  That's why Cate is lots smarter than me.  She never seems to find herself in these crazy situations like I do.

Maybe it's just because she's better at covering things up.  She knows how to hide the evidence.

Anyway, two more shows, two more nights in a hotel room until I'm back with my Baby.  I'm gonna hug and kiss and squeeze and make love to her and tell her how much I missed her.

And then the fun begins.