Wednesday, March 30

10:45 am
My Office

Well it's been an interesting morning.  And I have a feeling it's gonna be an even more interesting evening, once we get back to the City.  Apparently we need to have a family conference.  With the whole family, Cate included.

I was on the eliptical this morning when Jesse came into the exercise room in his workout gear.  I was a little surprised he was up and around so early and kidded him about it.  He just grunted at me and got on the treadmill.

He warmed up some with a mile or so jog, then started pumping iron.  I asked him if he wanted a spot and he just kinda shrugged and said "I guess."

He seemed kinda down, not his usual laid-back self.  He's been like that the last couple days, quiet and kinda withdrawn.  So I figured this might be a good time to find out what's on his mind.

I hopped off the eliptical and toweled myself off and went over to spot him on the bench.  We both did some presses and flies and stuff, then took a little break to rest up before hitting the dumbells.  We were sitting there sipping Gatorade and I asked Jess if everything was okay.

He just kinda shrugged again and looked away.  I thought I knew what was up, so I asked him if it was girl trouble.  He mumbled "no," but didn't say anything else.  That kinda made me worried, usually Jess is a pretty talkative kid when it's just the two of us together.  So I pressed him a little more, told him he could tell me anything.  It was just us guys here.

He kinda hemmed and hawed around a little and I kept poking at him until finally he broke.  He just sat up and looked me square in the eye and said "Dad, I'm worried about the Baby."

I almost choked.  BABY? I swear my heart stopped beating.  And in my head I was begging Please please please please PLEASE tell me you didn't knock some girl up.....

I hope I didn't sound as panicked as I felt but I wouldn't lay money on it.  I asked Jesse what he was talking about, what Baby?  He just kinda shrugged and hung his head, looked down at his sneaks.  I reached over and kinda shook his arm, just to get his attention, and asked him again what he was talking about.

And he looked up at me and gave me a long stare and said "Your Baby, Dad."

I know my mouth fell open at that.  I just stared at Jesse, trying to figure out what the Hell he meant.  MY Baby?

He stared back at me and obviously saw I was completely dumbfounded.  He kinda sighed a little and shrugged again.  Then he said  "Dad, it's not a secret anymore."  And he said he felt bad about Cate, about her injuries.  That he was afraid her car crash might have "hurt the baby."

I stammered around some more, trying to figure out why on earth Jesse thought Cate was pregnant.  I was just about to ask him that when all of a sudden the lightbulb went on in my head.  That morning at Richie's.  He must have overheard us talking, or heard me talking to Cate on the phone.  That's why he thought she was pregnant.

So I asked him if that's what happened and he shook his head "no."  Well, Shit.  So much for my powers of deduction.  Then he told me what should have been obvious.

It was Jake.  Jake and Romeo were there when I spilled the beans at breakfast.  I figured they were off in their own little spacey Chucklehead world and didn't catch on.  But Jake heard every word and he understood it all.  Kinda.

Turns out when Dorothea and I were out to dinner he told Jesse and Steph that Cate and I are gonna have a baby.  And that he hopes it's a boy.

Well, he didn't get it quite right.  I breathed a big sigh of relief, then told Jesse Cate's gonna be fine, and she's not pregnant.  Not yet, anyway.  Jess gave me a big wide-eyed look, kinda like he was suspicious that I wasn't telling him the truth.  I could see I was gonna have to explain everything, tell him the whole story.  The one we hadn't intended to tell any of the kids yet.

So I did.  But first I asked him if there was more he was upset about, like maybe the fact that I want to have a baby with someone other than his mother?  He said no, it's not that.  He gets that I love Cate and he can understand why she'd want to have a baby.  He actually said "I know she's not getting any younger, Dad."  I kinda had to chuckle at that.  And I'm keeping it to myself, obviously.  Cate doesn't need to know her StepSon thinks she's.... Older.

But he did admit he felt a little left out by the whole thing.  He said he thought he and I had a private bond, that he could talk to me about stuff and I could talk to him.  About things like sex and love.  That made me feel both a little guilty and very proud.   I answered that yes, we do have that kind of bond and that I hope he still feels he can talk to me.  But the reason I didn't tell him about this was because Cate and I were keeping it to ourselves, we were still kinda figuring things out.  Until I opened my Big Yap, that is.

I told Jess how the whole thing went down, about breakfast at Richie's and the laughing baby video on the Today Show and me daydreaming a little and answering Richie's question truthfully.  And that Jake and Romeo were there but I didn't think they picked up on what I said.  It's not like I said "Cate's pregnant" or anything.  Jesse kinda nodded along, then said he saw how that could happen.  Then he asked me how his Mom took the news.

I didn't lie.  I told him she looked hurt.  And that I felt terrible about springing it on her like that.  He said he thinks she is kinda sad, she's been quiet the last few days.  He's been a little worried about her too, that the relationship between Dorothea and me might sour because I was going to have a new family.

I told Jess that's not the case at all -- Dorothea and I had a long conversation and I'm positive she's supportive of Cate and me.  She gave us her blessing and best wishes.  But I did admit I'm worried Dorothea might be a little sad because it's kind of the end of a chapter of our lives, like it was when we divorced.  Things will be a little different once Cate and I have a child of our own, but we hope our Baby will just be a new addition to our big family, which includes all the kids and parents and grandparents and uncles and aunts and cousins, and especially Jesse's mother.

Jesse kinda shrugged and nodded, and I could see he really did understand.  I asked him what his sister thought about Jake's "news" and he kinda snorted and rolled his eyes.  He said she's all goofy and excited and  ready to go shopping for baby clothes with Cate.  And to see if she can help Tico design some.

That's my Steph, the glass-half-full Girl.  And obviously I'm gonna have to talk to her too, one-on-one.  Tell her to keep this whole planning stuff under wraps.

So I asked Jess if he had any questions about any of this.  I reiterated that Cate is NOT pregnant, but that we're gonna start trying.  Jess kinda chuckled again and blushed a little.  Then he asked me how that's gonna work -- 'cause I'm almost 50.

Well, I knew it was time for unflinching honesty so that's how I answered his question.  Honestly.  I told him it was gonna be complicated and may take awhile, but it starts with me having surgery on Friday to have my vasectomy reversed.  That shocked him, to say the least.  He even involuntarily cringed and covered his nuts with his hand, ha ha.

He asked how that works and I told him the whole deal.  What it was like when I got the vasectomy in the first place, almost 7 years ago.  What the doctors have told me about the reversal.  What I learned through research and watching YouTube (and I strongly advised him NOT to look up those vids, ha ha).  And what I know about what will happen after the surgery--my recovery, chances for returned fertility, the whole deal.

And know what the first question the kid asked me was?  "Dad, did you have to jack off into a cup?"

I forget sometimes, he's a teenaged boy.  Masturbation is probably a daily event.

I tried not to laugh out loud but I grinned and told him "not yet, but I'm sure I get to soon.  Can I borrow one of those titty magazines you have hidden in your room?"  That made him laugh.  And blush.

So after that things kinda relaxed.  We talked for almost an hour, Jesse and I.  I answered some more questions about my surgery, and about what it's like to be a Daddy-to be.  We talked about pregnancy and what it does to a woman's body and how the baby grows.  He seemed to know a lot more about that than I did at his age, ha ha.

And he asked me some pretty pointed questions about what it's like to watch a baby being born.  I just reminded him my personal experience on that front was with his mother, watching him and his sister and brothers come into the world.  That kinda shut him up, ha ha.  I'm sure he didn't want to think about his Mama laying there on the table, legs spread open to the world.

But all in all it was a good talk.  I was relieved there wasn't more that he was worried about, and I felt a little bad that I didn't pick up on his mood sooner.  But he knows we can talk anytime he wants or needs to, and I told him I hoped we'll talk more about this as time goes on.  Especially when Cate does get pregnant and he has a new little sister or brother on the way.

Because someday he's gonna want to be a father himself, and I want to be sure he's prepared for that.  Like my Old Man did with me.

So now I guess I need to get Dorothea and Cate together and tell them the cat's really out of the bag and that we all need to sit down with the kids.  I'm thinking over dinner tonight.  Unless they have a better idea, which is entirely likely.  I will completely defer to the wisdom of the Smarter Sex.

Since it was my big mouth that got us all into this mess in the first place.