Saturday, March 5

11:40 am
Home

Waiting for Cate to finish getting ready so we can go pick up the Chuckleheads for lunch.

Hope they behave themselves; don't want her to change her mind about wanting kids now that we've finally got a date set.

Appointment with the Dick Doc went pretty well this morning.  It was nothing cosmic, just a quick ball-squeeze and a bunch of questions about our sex life and our plans in the family department.  Like my Doc, this guy seemed a little skeptical of my description of my erectile frequency and stamina, ha ha.  But he couldn't exactly doubt me when Cate was there backing me up.

Actually, I think he was a little afraid of Cate.  He started out talking to her like she was some sweet little kept housewife and very quickly learned that you do NOT speak to Cate that way.  She wasn't rude or anything, just very bluntly and firmly informed him of her credentials and education, and said it would not be necessary for him to "dumb down" the conversation, she could probably pronounce and spell as well as define all the medical terminology he needed to use.  It was pretty comical.

So Doc walked us through a detailed explanation of how the procedure works and offered to show me some videos.  I told him No Thanks; I saw enough on YouTube for fuck's sake.  He also asked Cate quite a few questions about her medical history.

He seemed to kinda focus on her line of duty injury, when she was shot in the back.  He asked a lot of questions about her surgery and rehab and stuff which didn't seem to make much sense to me.  She was shot in the back, not the uterus, for Christ's sake (and thank God).  But later Cate explained to me that he was concerned scar tissue might have affected her ovaries.

I'm glad she understands that stuff because I have no damned clue about it.  I mean, I know where all the girl parts are and pretty much how they connect and work, but my education comes from high school health class, Dorothea, and amateur gynecology practice, ha ha.  Anyway, Cate told Doc that Dr. Seuss gave her a clean bill of health and that they talked about all the over-40 fertility stuff.  After that he seemed satisfied.

He also told me what to expect in terms of recovery, and cautioned me that trying to rush things could be very bad, very painful, and even cause irreversible damage.  He obviously knew who I was and what I do for a living, and he said he was reluctant to schedule me for a surgery in the middle of a tour.  He was especially blunt in telling me I have to take it VERY easy for at least 3 weeks after the procedure -- no exercise, no dancing around on a stage, no sex.  That's gonna SUCK.  But if it's what I have to do I guess I'll do it.

I explained to Doc that we have a pretty good-sized break in the tour coming up and I'd really like to do the surgery then.  He was kind of reluctant, said he'd rather wait until after the tour is done at the end of July.  But he's gonna be on vacation for the first three weeks of August, and so am I.  In fact, that's when I plan to practice a LOT of baby-making with Cate, lying around on a beach somewhere.  I turned on my best celebrity charm and politician schmooze and promised the Doc I'd get him tickets to my shows or whatever he wanted if he could just fit me in pretty soon.

Finally I got the Doc to turn on his computer and pull up his surgical calendar.  We set a date, the first one he had available that works with my tour schedule.

Should I be worried that a surgeon is gonna be reconnecting the wires to my nuts on April Fool's Day?

Seems like scheduling a delicate procedure like this on that day is just ASKING for wacky Karma.

Hmmm....