Monday, March 21

8:15 am
Plane

Up and out early today, headed for San Diego.

Taking the kids to Sea World.  Haven't been there in years... wonder if Shamu's old and grey like me now?  Ha ha.  Romeo's so excited he can hardly stand it.  He wants to feed the dolphins.  And Russell wants to see the otters.  They're his cousins, apparently.

Wonder if we'll end up with the imaginary cousins coming to live with us?  Never know with that kid.  I always thought Jake was the crazy one, but his little brother is growing up to give him a run for his money.

I finally got a good night's sleep last night -- alone.  Usually I hate sleeping in hotel beds all by myself, but after my sleepless night with the Chuckleheads and then my short little nap with Dorothea, it was nice just to stretch out under the sheets and not have to share my space.  I slept like a corpse.   Didn't even hear the alarm.

Of course the boys took care of that -- they were bouncing on my bed by 6:30, ready to go to the plane.  And not just on the bed.  It was literally Hop on Pop.  Romey flopped down right on my gut, knocked the wind outta me for a minute.  A little lower and he would have squashed the family jewels.

That would have been lovely -- my poor nuts are gonna be unhappy enough with me after next week.  I should be extra-gentle to them now, ha ha.  And I shouldn't have to wear a damned cup when I go to bed at night.  But I guess raising boys is a contact sport.

We had a fun evening last night, the Bongiovi Family.  Took the kids out for dinner then just wandered the Strip for awhile, doing all the touristy stuff.  We ate at that restaurant at Treasure Island where you can sit outside and look over the lagoon and watch the Pirate show.  Jake and Romey got a real kick out of that.  We saw the volcano at the Mirage too, which they were less impressed by.

While the kids were checking out the white tigers at Mirage Cate called me to say goodnight.  She's obviously somewhere where she's a couple hours ahead of Vegas time.  I snuck away from Dorothea and the kids, went outside and found a place to hide in the little jungle-walk outside the casino entrance.  After all, I promised Cate I'd sing for her and I couldn't very well do that in the middle of a hotel.  I'd have people all over me.

Cate sounded really tired and a little out of it, but I could hear a little smile in her voice.  We talked a little about how the kids and I were spending the evening and our plans for today.  Cate told me to be sure to text her some photos of the kids at Sea World; she loves that place.

After only about 5 minutes she said she didn't want to keep me since I was out with D and the kids, but I insisted on keeping my promise to sing her a lullaby.  And I did--two, actually.  Since I'm in Vegas I had to channel a little Elvis, ha ha.  So I crooned Can't Help Falling in Love with You, which she loves.  And then I sang her song.  Superman.

She sounded a little choked up when I finished, said she would love nothing more than for me to be there with her, to be her Superman tonight.  That brought tears to my eyes, how lonely she sounded.  God, I miss her.  Remembering her voice makes me a little misty now.

Anyway,  Dorothea and the Chuckles called it an early night; she wanted them in bed by 10 pm since we were getting up early.  Steph and Jess and I stayed out a little longer, checked out that CSI Experience thing in the hotel.  It was really cool, pretty realistic.  Of course I was all smug and bragged about how I was "formally trained" as a CSI thanks to Cate and her friend Mandy.  The kids weren't impressed, ha ha.  And they totally kicked my ass in solving the crime.  Jess had it figured out in about 5 minutes.

We weren't out too late; were back in the rooms before midnight.  I don't know what Steph and Jess did, but I went straight to bed.  Next thing I knew the two Terrible Terrors were bouncing all around me.

Once we get into the park I'm gonna try to call Cate and see if she wants to talk to the kids.  She sent me a good morning text earlier, said she's gonna have a relatively quiet day today, the way things look.  Hopefully that means we'll be able to chat a few times and I can try to share our family day with her.  If she can't be here in person, at least she's here in our hearts.

Beginning final descent into San Diego -- time to strap the Chuckleheads down.  I told D we shoulda just duct-taped them to their seats, ha ha.

Gonna be a fun day.

9:15 pm
Hotel

Holy Crap, I'm wiped out.  Not sure if I can even haul my ass to the bathroom to shower before I fall asleep.

Somehow when I'm on the road I can do a 90-minute workout AND shake my ass around a stage for a 2 1/2 hour show and still have energy to spare, but after a day of chasing my kids around I can hardly move.  WTF?

We had such a great day today.  Sea World was fantastic, way more fun than I remember.  It's beautiful too, all the flowers and plants and water.  Just a gorgeous, fascinating place.

We hit all the shows, saw all the exhibits.  Romeo was just overwhelmed with excitement.  He's quite the animal lover, my Little Guy.  Maybe he'll end up being a marine biologist or something.  

Romey may be the only one of my kids that ends up doing something science-y.  Steph's into fashion and Jess is interested in legal stuff and social issues.  And sports, of course, ha ha.  And Jakey's such a ham, there's no doubt in my mind he's going into show business.  Or politics.  He could definitely succeed in either.

The absolute best moment of the day was when Romey and I fed the dolphins.  I bought a couple trays of smelly fish at that little kiosk and helped him step up beside the pool.  The biggest dolphin in the tank swam right up to us and opened its mouth and chirped.  I thought Romey was gonna hyperventilate he was giggling so hard.

I showed him how to toss a fish into the dolphin's mouth, then he did it.  He thought that was the coolest thing ever.  He made it his mission to feed a fish to every single dolphin in the pool, which was no easy task.   I ended up buying 3 more trays of fish.  Those were some well-fed dolphins today, ha ha.

As I stood there behind my son, holding on to him and watching his joyful little face, I felt so overwhelmed with love and pride I could hardly stand it.  My Little Guy is growing so fast, but he's still a little boy.  I'm so glad I'm still such a big part of his life, and his brothers' and sister's.  I missed so much of this stuff with Steph and Jess.  I don't want to miss any more of Jakey's and Romeo's childhood.

I love being a father more than anything in the world.

I must have looked all mushy and sentimental or something because Dorothea reached over and gave my arm a little squeeze.  Then she told me and Romey to smile and she took some photos of us posing and feeding the dolphins.  She also took one with my phone so I could send it to Cate, like she asked us to do.

Shortly after we got to the park this morning I called Cate.  She said was glad to hear from me but she still sounded a little down and tired.  When I asked if she was okay she gave me that impatient little brush-off she does, the big sigh and "I'm fine."

Which of course told me she wasn't feeling particularly well because she's the grumpiest under-the-weather person I've ever met in my entire life.  I'm sure she's worn out, fatigued from the crazy hours she keeps when she's out on an op.  Even if she is somewhere warm and beachy, she's not exactly relaxing.

Anyway, she talked to Steph and Romeo; Jake and Jesse had wandered off to look in some gift shop.  Romeo recited a big long list of all the fish and animals he was going to see today, and told her all about how excited Russell was to meet his cousins the sea otters.  God Bless my wife, she plays along with Romey so well, she had him giggling like crazy with all the questions she asked him about Russell.

She's gonna be such a great mother.

Cate also had Romey promise to send her pictures of at least 10 different animals he saw at the park, which of course he readily did.  In fact, every five seconds he was yelling  "DAD!  Text this to Cate!" and pointing at something.  We did send her a nice selection of photos throughout the day and she texted back a comment to every one.

I also called her this afternoon when the kids were all watching some goofy pet show; I snuck out and sat on a bench and stole a few minutes of conversation for myself.  We just talked about mundane little things like what I would like Cate to make me for dinner when we're back home again, about going out to the Jersey house and playing with Cate's dog, about possibly having the bathroom painted.  That's what Cate needs when she's away working, that connection to home.  I understand that, I need it too.  But at least we can talk about my job.

Cate said she thinks she might be heading home tomorrow, but she's not sure yet.  She has a few things to wrap up and has to get the okay to leave.  I assume she means from whoever the Team Leader is; I may not know what she's doing but I do remember my training.

I admit kinda bent the "don't ask" rule a little and asked her if the op has been a success.  She paused for a long minute, and I was sure she was gonna parrot out that stock "I can't tell you" answer.  But she surprised me with a sigh and a "No, not really."

I said I was sorry, and I really did mean it.  Maybe that's why she's sounded so down and distracted these past couple days when we've talked, because she's frustrated that her case isn't going well.  I can relate to that; when things don't go well on the road for me it just magnifies my loneliness.  It wears me down.  She sounds worn down.

I told Cate I was glad it looks like she gets to go home soon asked if she thinks she might be able to come out to Vancouver for the weekend.  I was thinking maybe she could take a couple days off work -- I know she'll have comp time coming -- and join us for the second half of our little family vacation.  But she sighed again and said "Sorry, Baby, but I can't."  And again I heard that little hitch in her breathing and the touch of pain in her voice.

Dammit, she still feels left out.

I didn't push, I just told her how much I love her and how I can't wait to get home and give her a long kiss and hold her tight and make love to her again.  She said "ditto."  Then she had to go.

So I spent the rest of the day with Dorothea and the kids, exploring Sea World and watching Shamu splash everything in sight.  And Cate was always on my mind, just a click away on my iPhone.  We had a wonderful time but it would have been so much better if Cate was here.

I want to call her now, sing her another lullaby.  But she's probably asleep, so I won't.  I hope she's asleep, anyway.  She sounds like she needs it.

When we both finally make it home we need to have a long talk about the future.  Especially about Cate's future.  If we're gonna have a baby I don't know how she'll be able to keep up this pace, running off on moment's notice, putting in all this overtime and dealing with all this stress.  That's not good for a healthy person, let alone a woman who's trying to get pregnant.

But I can't ask her to quit.  That wouldn't be fair, and she would resent me for it.  As she should.  

I just have to hope she comes to that conclusion on her own.