Wednesday, March 16

4:10 am
Bed

Cate's okay.  Thank God.

Don't know why I can't shake this uneasy feeling, like she's in danger.  She never said she was going anywhere dangerous or even doing anything risky.  For all I know she could be stuck in a big room full of boxes full of files and records, just sifting through them.  She can't tell me anything, of course.

But I just get the sense this is serious.  Whatever she's doing, it's moving fast.

She texted me because she didn't want to wake me.  I had my phone on my pillow, right by my ear.  Grabbed it the second I heard it buzz and called her right back.  I needed to hear her voice.

She sounds absolutely exhausted.  Not like she's had much sleep the last couple days -- I kept her out half the night last night for that fucking party.  And I know she's been running hard since she bolted out of here.

But she told me she's all set -- checked in with her team, in a hotel, ready to take a hot shower and crash for a few hours before she's on duty.  I tried to get her to give me a clue where she is, but she just sighed and asked me to talk about something else, anything else but work.  To give her brain a break.

So I told her about the Times Square shoot, that it was boring and cold and I really didn't want to be there.  And we talked about the kids a little bit, and about my travel plans.  But we avoided talking about Vegas.  I know she doesn't want to tell me that she probably won't make it.  And I don't want to hear it, either.

So instead I reminded her it's only five more shows 'til I'm on break and we get to start working on our own little "Special Op"... Operation Knock-Cate-Up.  That made her giggle.   She still sounded tired but hearing her laugh warmed my heart.

Then I told her I love her and miss her and to be careful and get some sleep, and to call me when she wakes up.  If I can't be with her I need to at least talk to her.

And now I'm gonna try to go back to sleep myself.  Alone.

Being alone sucks.  Especially when you're in your own bed.


8:30 pm
Living Room

Just got back from a few hours with the Chuckleheads.  Always a wacky adventure, spending time with my Boys.  Their mother is a Saint, I tell ya.  Saint Dorothea.

Taking a breather, trying to get motivated to pack.  Don't know why I decided not to fly to Texas until tomorrow morning.  Shoulda gone today.

It's too quiet and lonely here without Cate.

She called me when she got up this morning, as promised.  At 6:30 am.  She only got an hour or so of sleep, but she was on duty at 7 am so she had to go.  I hope she goes straight to bed when her shift's over, whenever that is.  She sounded so tired.

She texted me today too, a couple times.  She must have had a little break in whatever she was doing to think about me.  The first one was simple, just "I Love You."  The second one was a line from one of my songs, she said it's been in her head all day.

The way a smile fits on your lips, the way you hold me tight
God knows I'd give everything to be in your arms tonight.

Me too, Baby.

I wrapped up a few things this morning, then met Dorothea for lunch.  We had to go over some Trust Fund stuff for the kids, so it was actually a working lunch.  She brought me up to date on all Steph's college-related stuff and a little bit about the boyfriend situation.  Apparently the romance with Brendan is still burning bright.  Dammit.  Well, I guess she could do worse.

We talked about Jess a little too, just kinda skirted around the sex life issue, in accordance with our agreement.  Dorothea said he's been doing some volunteer tutoring at school, helping Middle School kids with math.  Jess has a good head for math, glad to see he's doing something for others.  I just wonder which head he's thinking with, since I'm pretty sure there are some pretty little things in the Tutor Pool.

Jesus, whatever he does, just don't let him get caught banging some girl at the school.  I do NOT need to deal with that right now.  And I Guaran-Goddamn-TEE you that if Jess was busted for having sex on school grounds Dorothea would be on the phone to me in a second, demanding I get back here and help deal with it.  Hell, as worked up as she got about the stupid Makeup Incident, I can't even imagine how pissed she would be if her son did something like that.

Dorothea's much better equipped to deal with Girl Problems.  Unlike me.

Anyway, at lunch Dorothea asked me how Cate was and I told her about my wife having to race out of the house yesterday to catch a last-minute plane to who-knows-where.  I'm sure I sounded like a mopey-ass baby because D gave me that sympathetic little half-smile and squeezed my hand.  She said since I was on my own tonight I should come with her to get Jake and Romey from school, then come hang out at the house and have dinner.   Didn't take much arm-twisting to convince me.  Not like I was looking forward to coming back here to an empty apartment.

So D and I wrapped up our business, I ran a few errands, then I picked her up and we went to get the boys.  They were wound-up crazy so I spent the next two hours trying to keep them under control but still be Cool Dad.  I made them do their homework first, then ended up wearing a pirate hat and an eyepatch and saying "Aargh" and "Matey" a lot.  Of course Jakey laughed his ass off at me, said I was no Captain Jack Sparrow.  Yeah, well... few people are, Kid.

And I didn't have a parrot, either.  I had a ferret.  Russell the imaginary ferret was in my pocket most of the time, or so Romey says.  Good thing Romey doesn't understand the biology of what having a squirmy warm thing in your front jeans pocket will do to a guy.  Think I may have had an imaginary boner.

That kid just ain't giving up on the ferret thing.  If Russell's still around on Romeo's 16th birthday we may have to consider a therapist.  Or a veterinarian.

While I was playing with the boys Cate texted me again.  She asked if I had a minute to talk so I told the boys "time out" and immediately went into Dorothea's office and called her back.  It was good to hear her voice, even if her news wasn't good.  She had to cancel Vegas.  She still doesn't know when she'll be done with this thing, but they know it's gonna run through the weekend.

Goddamn it.

I tried to play it off, told her it was okay, it's just a trip.  We can go to Vegas anytime we want.  Cate knew I was lying and that I was disappointed, but she didn't push.  She just apologized and told me she loves me and asked me to sing for her before she had to get back to work.  I did.  A little bit of Every Beat.  Then I gave her a kiss and made her promise to call before she goes to sleep tonight.

When I went back out to the living room Dorothea read me in an instant.  She asked me if everything was okay, and I told her Cate was fine but she's gonna miss the Vegas show.  I can't hide anything from Dorothea, so I automatically answered her next question.  "Yeah, I'm disappointed."  I just didn't feel like talking about it, so I bolted from the living room pretty quick, dragged the Chuckleheads into Romeo's room to play some more.

After dinner I was helping D with the dishes when she said she had something to ask me.  I thought "Oh, Shit," then just stood and waited.  But it was something good. Something that made me smile, made me grateful that my ex-wife and I are still friends.  And that she still loves me a little bit, after all I put her through.

Dorothea said again she was sorry that I wouldn't be able to spend the weekend with Cate in Vegas, she could tell it was something I was looking forward to.  Then she said in a teasing little way, "Well, this isn't quite as good as a wild weekend with your lover, but...  How about the kids and I come out on the road with you next week?"

That idea instantly made me grin.  She didn't even have to go on about the details--my answer was "Abso-fuckin'-lutely!"  But D being D, she already had the whole thing planned out in her head.  The kids are on Spring Break for the next 2 weeks so they won't miss school, and they'd rather spend time with me than go out to the Jersey House or to visit Pop and Nana.  Dorothea proposed she take the kids out of school on Friday, fly out to meet us in Vegas, spend the weekend with us there, then come along with the Circus for the next few shows.

I love that idea -- having my family with me on the road again.  We have a pretty loose schedule - just Salt Lake on Tuesday then we head up to Vancouver on the weekend, so we could do some family stuff and maybe go to Disneyland or LegoLand or somewhere along the way, maybe spend a day or two on the beach in California.

The Chuckleheads will eat that up.  Well, to be fair I could take them to a damned chess match and they'd find some way to make it exciting and memorable.  Probably not in a way I'd want to remember, but still.  They have the gift of bringing entertainment wherever they go with Dear Old Dad.  But I'm cool with that -- I miss having them around every night, even when they're driving me bat-shit crazy.

That's the worst part about not being married to their mother anymore.

I know Jess and Steph would have a great time too.  I've toyed with the idea of offering Steph an internship on the Europe leg this summer.  But I don't know if I want to have her spend her last summer before college traipsing all over the world with her Old Man.  I kinda want her to just enjoy her last days of youth, hang out on the beach and savor the summer.  But I also want her with me all the time before she's gone off to college and out on her own.

Maybe if she spends a week on the road with me now it will make me figure out what I should do on that front.

And Jesse -- well, he'll have fun because there will be lots of chicks around.  Heh heh.  That's my Boy.

So I guess next weekend won't suck.  It won't be anything at all like I had in mind for me and Cate, but it will be great in a different way.  I'll get to spend it with my kids, and with an amazing woman I'm lucky to have in my life.

Thanks Dorothea.... again.  For at least the hundred-thousandth time.   I'd never make it through this life without you.

And now I gotta get my ass moving.  The plane's leaving early tomorrow.  Of course it won't move an inch until I'm on it, but I got a schedule to keep.

The wheels gotta keep on turning.