Friday, April 29

10:15 am
Plane

Heading South.

Feels lonely.

These next few weeks are gonna be hard, but we'll all get through.  Especially Richie.  He's getting what he needs.

I know he's been struggling for awhile but he wasn't ready to talk about it.  I had to sit back and let him come to realizations on his own.  That's part of dealing with addiction, learning to recognize the signs and wanting to get better.

But I sure as Hell didn't expect that 3 am phone call from The Plaza.  Or that long, emotional conversation that came after.  But being there in the dead of night is what Brothers do for each other.  Blood on Blood.  Like the song says.

I never thought I'd hear Richie say "can't" when it came to playing live.  He loves being on the stage, in front of the crowd.  Even in his darkest days past he never wanted to miss a show.  That's what rattled me most, when he looked me in the eye and said "I can't."  That's when I knew this is serious, he needs real help.

So I told him to do what he has to do to take care of himself, we're all behind him and we'll back him up a thousand percent.  And then I just let him pour out his heart and his lonely soul.  It hurt me as much as it hurt him, I think.  And it made me think of dark days of my own: when Richie was first going through all this shit, with his Dad and Heather and Denise, when I was losing my own marriage.  It was Hell for both of us.

By the time I got home yesterday morning Cate was already up and out for work.  I knew I needed to sleep a few hours but I couldn't.  Too much to do, not the least of which was figure out how to break this news.  After all, somebody's bound to notice when the curtain goes up Saturday night and Richie's not in his spot.

But the fucking rag press beat us to it.  I don't know how or who the "close friend" source is.  I'm pretty sure it's not Nikki -- it better not be.  More likely it's one of her people.  But it doesn't matter, can't un-ring a bell.

Matt called me mid-morning and told me we have to make a statement, he was getting bombarded by messages and texts and tweets and posts on the Fan Club board were going crazy.  I didn't want to but I knew he was right.  This ain't gonna be a one-show deal.  I also wanted to ask Richie how he wanted this done.

After a mind-numbing number of phone calls I think we got it right.  Anyway, it's done.  Richie's on his way to getting the help he needs and we're on our way to JazzFest.

Cate and I sat up late last night talking.  Well, I was talking, anyway.  She just listened and held me and let me get it out.

I'm so fucking thankful for her.  I wish she was on this plane right now, beside me, but she couldn't miss a meeting this morning.  She's flying to NOLA tonight.  She knows how much I need her right now.

I feel guilty.  My life is going so good, better than it has in a long, long time.  And my Brother is struggling to get by.  I know he's strong and I admire his honesty and his real desire to get better, to live a clean and full life.  But he's gotta do it for himself; none of us can do it for him.

It sucks when all you can do is lend an ear or offer a shoulder to lean on.  Or be painfully, brutally honest.  But that's what Brothers do for each other.

I'm gonna miss him these next few weeks.

Watched a little of the Royal Wedding this morning.  What a pageant, such a spectacular sight.  The future King and Queen of England, in all their splendid glory.  I can only imagine what it's like to be in London right now.  They're such a handsome young couple, so into each other despite all the proper Royal restraint they must have to show.

It's the start of a long, strange life for the two of them.  I guess it's not "strange" when you're born into it, but for Kate it must be a little overwhelming.  I know she's not exactly from a family of ditch-diggers -- she's grown up in privilege herself -- but still.  She seems pretty strong and capable, a modern woman.  In a lot of ways much more prepared for that life than Diana seemed to have been.

From my impression of Princess Kate, William did pretty well for himself.  I hope he's smart enough to always remember how great she is, years down the road when there are heirs and responsibilities and when he ascends to the throne.  I hope he remembers what it's like today, to be in love, starting a life together.

Today would have been 22 years for me and Dorothea.  We were like William and Kate once.  But there was no fancy wedding, no horse-drawn carriage -- just a taxicab to a Vegas chapel.  And we were royalty of our own sort, once upon a time.  Rock and Roll Royalty, for that fleeting moment in time.

But there was nobody to greet her with waves and cheers when she became Mrs. JBJ.  I've always regretted that.  But she understood, she was fine with the fact that suddenly she was getting death threats and being called every name in the book.  Dorothea's always been stronger than me.  And when it didn't work anymore, she was strong enough to walk away.

On this day in a past life I would have been sending flowers and jewelry to her.  But not today.  It's not my anniversary anymore.  It's William and Kate's.

I guess I'm allowed my fleeting moment of reflection on what once was and could have been.  D will always have a place in my heart.  I'm glad she's still my friend.

Tonight my own Princess Cate will be by my side.  We'll go out and do something quiet, just the two of us.  She's stronger than me too.  She'll get me through.