Sunday, April 17

5:15 pm
Living Room

Hanging out, killing a little time before heading out again.

Just got home a little bit ago.  Spent a nice day out with my Wife, just the two of us.  Slept in this morning, had coffee, read the paper, wandered out for lunch.  Then we did something I haven't done in a long time.  We packed a cooler and grabbed a blanket and caught a cab to the Park.  Spent the afternoon laying on the grass, reading and talking and enjoying the sunshine.  It was sweet and romantic.  We should do it more often.

Spent the evening over at Dorothea's last night, family dinner and movie night.  Just us and D and the kids.  We watched the newest Harry Potter movie, which Jake had to keep explaining to me because I was totally lost.  I guess maybe I should have seen the last couple Potter movies, huh?  I recognized most of the actors but had no idea who half the characters were, ha ha.  Do I get points for that?

Cate told me I should read the books--she even offered to load 'em up on my iPad for me.  Why?  The last movie comes out this summer, then I'll know the whole story, ha ha.

It felt good spending a night in with my family.  Of course Romeo wanted to sit on the couch with me and Cate, and Russell wanted to sit on my shoulder.  The movie was pretty intense in parts so Romey spent a good amount of time hugging me and burying his little face against my chest, hiding his eyes.

Russell was a little scared too, so he crawled in my pocket.  Apparently since I got my hair cut it's not long enough for him to hide in anymore, ha ha.  And thank God he didn't try to crawl in my jeans pocket.  I got enough problems keeping Superman under wraps without something slithery down there, ha ha.

I got a little misty about halfway through the movie when I realized how happy I was -- Cate was snuggled up against me on my left with her head on my shoulder, my littlest Boy cuddled up against me on my other side, under my other arm.  I felt surrounded by love.

Cate saw me blinking away my happy little tears and leaned up to give me a kiss. Then she whispered in my ear "suck it up, you Big Sap."  That's my romantic wife, ha ha.  But I know she felt the same way.

Taking Jesse to the Yankees game tonight.  It was kind of a last-minute decision.  Cate didn't want to go because she has a busy day tomorrow; she wants to get to bed early.  She's going back to work tomorrow and she has her physical therapy appointment first-thing.  Plus she hates the Yankees and doesn't really care about the Rangers, ha ha.  Even though it's a school night I figured it would be a fun outing for me and Jess, just us guys.  He'll stay up half the night anyway so why not hang out with his Old Man?

I guess I also have an ulterior motive.  I want to spend some time alone with Jess, see if maybe we can talk.  Truth be told I feel kinda shitty for what happened last weekend out at the Jersey house.  He's hardly spoken to me since we all had that sit-down at Dorothea's last Sunday.  Last night he hardly grunted two words at me.  I know he's pissed because I told D about him and that little Bridget girl, but I told him I wouldn't be able to keep it from his mother.  Steph dimed him out, anyway.

Last night he was so sullen and standoffish.  I tried to tell myself he was just being a typical teenager, acting out because he was mad and probably a little embarrassed that he got caught with his pants down.  Literally.  But the truth is, his silence hurt me a little.

Jess still being pissy to his sister too but I can't really blame him for that.  Steph was a little Bitch to him last night when we were over there.  My Little Princess has a definite dark side.  But I can't say I didn't warn the Boy that if his sister found out he was screwing around with her friends there would be Hell to pay.

But I still feel a little guilty about this deal.  I told Cate that today and she made a good point:  the reason I went charging down to the Inn last Saturday night was because I thought it was Steph and Brendan down there.  If I had thought it was Jesse, would I still have gone?  Or would I just have left him alone with a little wink and a smirk and let things take their course?

I had to be honest and admit I probably wouldn't have done anything.  Not busted them, anyway.  I probably would have pulled Jess aside in the morning and asked what happened, maybe gave him a half-stern talking to about "not in my house."  But I wouldn't have dashed out in my bare feet in the middle of the night.

Yeah, I know.  Cate didn't even have to say it.  Double standard.  I don't want Steph to be a normal teenager and explore her sexuality, but I'm secretly proud of Jess for doing exactly that.  I can't help it.  I'm an Italian Daddy, ha ha.  It's my nature to protect my Princess.

I don't want my Baby Girl to grow up.  And I sure as Hell don't want her to get hurt.  I remember the things Dorothea and I were doing at her age.... I don't want to think about Steph doing that stuff.  Not the sexual stuff, anyway.  The romance part -- sure.  That was wonderful.  Young love is so pure and innocent and intense... I want her to experience that, to make those fond memories.  I just don't want her to suffer the heartbreak.

As for Jess, he's doing exactly what I used to do.  He's playing the field, though admittedly he's a little more gentlemanly about it than I ever was.  I was a complete prick to most of the girls I banged when I was in High School.  But still, there were a few I fell for before Dorothea.  And when they kicked me to the curb it hurt.  Not that I was about to admit it.

I just wrote crappy songs about it, ha ha.

It ain't easy being a teenager, in any era.

I just hope tonight Jess and I can talk it out.  I miss talking to him.  In the last few months I've realized I think of him not just as my son, but as my friend.  I hope he thinks of me that way too.  And I hope what happened hasn't shaken his trust in me.

It ain't easy being a Dad, either.