Wednesday, April 27

9:20 am
Waiting room

Back at the Doc for another checkup.  He wanted to see me before I go back out on the road, to be sure everything's coming along nicely.

Or Cumming along.  Swimmingly.  Ha ha.  'Cause my swimmers are free again....

Okay, maybe it ain't that funny.  But I'm bored.

Hoping like hell I get another green light today.  Not for sex this time, though I better not get a red light or even a caution flag for that.  Of course since I'll be gone for a few weeks that's gonna slow down anyway, Dammit.

But I want to get back to exercising.  I need to start running again.  Tired of sitting on my Fat Ass, unable to do more than walk on the treadmill.  Swear I've put on 10 pounds since this surgery.  Dawn's gonna have to break out the LardAss pants again, at least for these U.S. shows.  I'll be back in fighting trim by Europe, though.

Wonder if Doc's gonna believe me this time, that I've nailed Cate about a dozen times since our last appointment.  He'll probably still think I'm bragging, ha ha.  He should just be proud of his handiwork.  I am.

Wonder if I've knocked my Wife up yet?  Timing should be about right, or maybe the next few days.  Maybe she'll be preggo by Vegas.  Man, she'd be pissed if that happened.  Especially if she gets morning sickness, ha ha.  A Vegas Bachelor Party is no place for a pregnant woman.  All barfing should be legitimately alcohol-related, ha ha.

Of course a Vegas Bachelor Party is no place for most women.  Except for strippers.  But that's my Cate, Bachelor Party Planner Extraordinaire.  Boldly going where few women have gone before, ha ha.

She's got some sort of devious idea cooking in that big ol' brain of hers. God knows what it's gonna entail.  But last night she told me she doesn't want to do anything too swanky or exclusive like rent out a whole club or something.  The guys just want this to be a "normal" Bachelor Party, not one where money is no object.  Just down-and-dirty, good-natured, normal-guy debauchery.

I'm down with that.  Though if Cate plans to take the guys to the Cheetah Club like she mentioned last night things could get interesting.  Don't know how the Hell I'll be able to lay low in there.  Don't need paparazzi or some douche with an iPhone snapping shots of me with some thong-adorned ass in my face.  Or better yet, to get photos of my Wife in a strip club.  Good Lord, that would be interesting.

Hmmm.  Wonder if I can convince Cate to dress the part?  Like she's going undercover at the Cheetah Club?  Heh heh.  That's a fun little role-play to file away for future reference....

I probably shouldn't be thinking about strippers or my Wife spinning on a pole when I'm getting ready to go drop my pants for the Doc.  I'm sure a man in his line of work would fail to be impressed by Superman standing at attention, but still.

But if I put a little red cape on him.... Betcha that's something Doc hasn't seen, ha ha.

10:45 pm
Bed

Well today was a kinda weird day.  Pretty random collection of events, now that I look back on it.

Doc appointment went well -- got the clearance to resume exercise, but have to take it easy for a couple more weeks.  Doc said I could do "more strenuous cardio" like eliptical or stairclimber, but he said he'd prefer I lay off jogging for at least another week.  And no rowing machines.  Not that I ever do that anyway.  No lower-body weights; I can do upper body.  And I can do yoga as long as I watch what I stretch, ha ha.  I guess the main idea is to not stress out my crotchal area any more than I have to.  Don't want a "risk of rupture" as Doc put it.

Well Christ, I would think not.  That just sounds painful.

So Doc asked me a bunch of very specific questions about my balls and how they feel when I shoot my wad (they feel GOOD, what do you think? Ha ha).  He copped a feel and took a look to be sure my incisions are nicely closed -- they are.  Didn't even compliment me on the lovely fuzz I have growing back.  Jeez, didn't buy me dinner, either, ha ha.  But he did say everything looks "really good."  So I'll take what I can get.

So after the medical foreplay Doc handed me a plastic cup and pointed me toward a door.  Yep, got my first date with a collection cup.  I wish he would have warned me; I coulda been all warmed up and ready to go.  I woulda just kept going with my stripper train of thought from the waiting room.  Instead I was in that little room for about a half an hour, trying to summon the swimmers.

The big stack of Juggs magazines didn't even help, and the little stack of gay porn in the corner actually kinda creeped me out.  And made me wonder about that clientele...

Finally I pulled out my iPhone and called Cate.  She refused to talk dirty to me on the phone because there were people in her office.  Sheesh, she coulda kicked them out, for fuck's sake.  Instead she laughed at me and said she was sure I'd figure something out and "Good Luck."

I did.  I pulled up those boudoir shots she did for me on my iPhone.  Once I got that slideshow going it was all easy.  Gave the lab techs plenty of love potion to analyze, heh heh.  Doc said he'd call me tomorrow to let me know how the swimmers look.

And he told me he wants me to submit a "specimen" every month for the next couple months or until Cate gets pregnant, whichever happens first.  My money's on the fetus, ha ha.  Besides, after the first week of June I'll be out of the country, so unless he wants to fly over to wherever I am with his little sperm-counting-kit and set up shop in my hotel he's just gonna have to wait until August.  Then I'll gladly fill all the little plastic cups he wants.

So anyway, after my date with Dixie (the Cup) I stopped by my accountant's office to sign some forms then went to the drugstore to buy a new toothbrush and some other shit.  Glamorous Rock Star, eh?  Comparing bristles in aisle 5, ha ha.  I tell everybody I'm just a normal Dude but they never believe it.  But I really DO buy my own toothbrushes.  Well, unless Cate picks them up for me.

After my CVS Shopping Spree I dropped my purchases off at home and headed over to The Plaza.  Nikki does like to travel in style, ha ha.  And she brought her Boy Toy with her this trip. So Nikki, Richie and I all grabbed some lunch and talked a little fashion-design shop.

I swear Richie missed his calling when he became a Rock and Roll Guitarist.  He would have made a fabulous Gay Man, ha ha.

But I guess he likes pussy too much for that.  Hmmm... the fatal flaw in that plan.

So after that I ran a few errands before picking up Jake and Romey from school.  Then I hung out at Dorothea's for awhile until Jesse and Steph got home from their activities.  The girls got ready for Prom Dress Dinner with Nikki and Richie while I supervised homework.  I think I got the bad end of that deal, ha ha.  All Steph and D had to do was cook.

D figured since it's a school night it would be easier to have Nikki and Richie over to her house than to go out somewhere.  Turned out to be a good call.  We all had a really fun dinner, everybody cracking jokes and telling stories and smiling.  For once.  Thank God the moody teenager shit seems to be over, at least for tonight.

So after a nice dinner the girls all retired to the family room while Uncle Mookie entertained the Chuckleheads (or maybe it was the other way around).  Jess and I wandered back to his room and spent a little time working on his song for Bridget.  He had an okay start; some good phrases.  But some of it did sound kinda goofy, ha ha.

Hey, I betcha Shakespeare's early stuff was crap too.

Anyway, we played with it for awhile and I helped Jess figure out some chords and phrasing, but he's still got a lot to do.  I told him maybe we can work a little more on it Sunday when I'm back from the JazzFest show.

So before I knew it the Chuckleheads' bedtime had rolled around.  Richie and I got them somehow corralled and into pajamas and bed, then I headed out.  The womenfolk were still chattering about shoes and earrings and shit when I let myself out.  I betcha Richie was offering up his opinions on hemlines and matching purses the second I was out the door, ha ha.

Then it was home to my Cate.  She worked late and went out to dinner with a couple fellow Feds who are in TDY from Miami for some case.  But she made it home before me. I found her hanging out on the couch with the hockey game on low, all Geeky Hotness in her Flyers t-shirt and sweatpants and librarian glasses, with files spread out all around her.

I love seeing her like that.  Makes me smile.

So she's wrapping up her paperwork now, then she's gonna come do a little Hubby-Snugglin'.  We'll see where that leads.  I'm hoping that road goes straight to NakedTown, heh heh.

After all, that Baby ain't gonna make itself, ha ha.