Friday, April 1

6:30 am
Bathroom

This is it, the big day.

It's here.  I know that because I just shaved my nuts.  And that's no easy task when you're Italian.

It was a little disturbing how much of that hair was... light.  Not gray.  I refuse to admit it's gray.  Light.

In just a few hours I'll be waking up with all the parts in working order again.  Or connected, at least.

Deep Breath.  Here we go.

Okay, Baby.... Let's Do This.


3:45 pm
Bed

Home.

Weak, sore, nauseous, a little humiliated...

Ow.  And brrrr.

Where are the good drugs?

Cate.....


10:35 pm
Bed

My nuts are HUGE.  And sore.

It's like I have Elephantitis of the Nuts.

Remember that line from Breakfast Club?  "I wonder how he rides a bicycle?"  Judd Nelson was the Awesomeest.  Man, we gotta watch that movie tomorrow.  I'm gonna be stuck in bed all weekend anyway.

Elephantitis of the Nuts.  Heh heh.  I'd be laughing harder if I wasn't so fucking sore.

But the Vicodin helps.  In fact, I'm feeling pretty good right now.  A little buzzy, but not so bad....

Right now I'm freezing my Giant Nuts.  I have rotating bags of peas.  Like Karate Kid  -- peas on, peas off.  Peas on, peas off.  Heh heh.

Yeah, this Vicodin is goooooooooooood stuff.  Damn.

Cate has been so sweet to me today, taking care of me.  She's been making sure I try to eat, even though I don't feel like it.  My tummy is upset.  She made me some soup, though.  And my tea with honey.  My throat hurts from the anesthesia.  But there was no fucking way I was staying awake for that operation.  I would have fucking freaked out if I could hear and see what the Docs were doing to my Boys.  Nuh-Uh.  No Thanks.

But Cate's being good to me.  She's been bringing me my peas.  And applying them.  And she checked out my incisions to be sure everything's okay.  She said things look fine.  Like she'd know.  She's never inspected a re-connect before.  Ha ha ha ha.

But I'm always happy to let her get up-close and personal with my crotch.  Heh heh.

Yes Cate, I hear you giggling.  I know you're peeking at this.  You're sweet but nosy.

HEY!  Careful down there!  The Boys don't have any fur left to protect them!

Okay, now she's settled down a little bit.  She just kissed me on the nose and called me loopy.  She's not wrong.   Now my funny, sweet, SmartAss Wife is snuggled up here beside me in bed, watching the Arena game.  God the AFL sucks since it came back.  There are still some great players and coaches out there, but the structure of the League just blows.  Glad I got out of there.

Don't think I'll ever be able to eat peas again.