Monday, April 18

12:45 am
Living Room

Home from the game.  Should go to bed but I'm not tired.

Had a good night with Jess.  He was kinda quiet at the beginning, didn't really have much to say when I picked him up.  Just small talk about the game, homework, that kind of stuff.

We got to the stadium and watched the end of batting practice, got a couple hot dogs and drinks.  While we were waiting for the game to start I asked Jess what he wanted to do this summer.  He kinda shrugged and said he didn't know, hadn't really thought about it.  But I wouldn't be around, so what did it matter to me?

That punched me right in the gut.  It was so unlike him -- of all my kids Jess has always been the one to understand me being away, on the road.  He's never tried to make me feel guilty about being gone.  I've always been able to conjure that guilt all on my own, but he's never tried to push those buttons.  I could hardly believe my ears.

I asked him why he said that and he just shrugged.  He wouldn't look at me, which is also totally unlike Jess.  He's always been the one to look me in the eye.  So I got to the point, asked Jesse if he was pissed at me about what happened last weekend, if he had something he wanted to say to me.

He shook his head and mumbled "no," then kinda sighed.  He said he wasn't mad at me, he was just bummed out.  And sick of Steph being such a bitch.  I told him to watch his mouth about his sister (though inside I chuckled and thought "Amen") and asked him why he was bummed.  When he answered that it was no big deal and I probably wouldn't care, I just said "try me."

Then  he tried to change the subject and asked me if he could have a beer.  Nice try, kid.  Of course I said no and asked him again why he was bummed out.  When he finally looked at me I could tell in an instant.  Poor kid looked miserable, like somebody had just kicked his dog.

Girl trouble.

I asked if it was Bridget and he just shrugged.  I took that as a "yes."  I pushed a little, told him she seemed like a nice girl, bright, polite, outgoing, and certainly easy on the eyes.  And probably on the lips too.  He kinda smirked and blushed a little at that, and I knew I had him.  And I breathed a little sigh of relief.

Turns out poor Jesse is mooning over Bridget.  She won't give him the time of day since the blowout last weekend.  He really likes her, has for awhile, even when he was screwing around with that other Madison girl.  But he never thought she'd give him a second thought because she's been kinda semi-dating some jock.  Yeah kid, I know that feeling.

Well, I guess last weekend when the kids were working at the Kitchen Bridget and Jesse had a little time to talk.  He said there was a spark between them; she kept smiling at him and touching his hand and giving him those shy little fluttery-eyelash looks.  But they didn't have a chance to be alone because Steph was always around and I was being Mr. Eagle-Eye, ha ha.

So when everybody went to bed Jess took a chance, texted Bridget from his room and told her to wait up for him.  When Jess heard Steph and Brendan go downstairs he saw his break and he took it.  He got Bridget and the two of them snuck out to the Inn.

Jess swears he just wanted to spend some time alone with her, that he had no intention of going any further than a kiss.  But when they got out there and started talking one thing led to another and next thing he knew he was on his way to third base, ha ha.

Then I came charging in and ruined it all.

Jesse swore he wasn't going to screw Bridget, and I believe him. He said he could hardly believe he was lucky enough to make out with her.  Just the look of pure puppy-dog infatuation on his face told me he was being honest.  He really likes this girl.

He said before I busted them they were talking about maybe going out, but that they'd have to keep it quiet until she could break it off with the guy she had been seeing.   Which meant they couldn't tell Steph, because the guy is a friend of Brendan's.  They were trying to figure out how to sneak around for the next couple months until Boyfriend went off for some summer abroad pre-college program, then Jess and Bridget could be together in the open.

But I had to go open my big yap in front of Steph and ruin it all.  And now Jess doubts Bridget will even want to talk to him again, let alone anything else.  Apparently Steph and Bridget are still on the outs too, because Bridget went back home on Sunday and called up boyfriend and told him what happened and that it was over between them.

It's like a damned soap opera.

But I gotta say, that makes me like that Bridget even more.  She's got balls.  She certainly seems to take responsibility for her actions, even if her judgment may have been questionable in the first place.  But I ain't pointing fingers when it comes to questionable judgment when it comes to matters of the teenage heart.  I get that part.  I may be an old Fuck but I remember.

Shit, I really do need to learn how to keep my cakehole shut.  My ex-wife and my Wife have both told me that a million times.  Now my son, in his own roundabout way.

Well, I felt like a total jerk after Jess unloaded all that on me, but I was also relieved that he was talking to me again.  I apologized for fucking things up for him but tried to walk that line between parent and buddy, at least paying lip service to the "you gotta live with the consequences your actions" shit.

So after that the game started and we kinda talked a little more between pitches and innings, about school and summer plans and sports and shit, but we kept circling back around to Bridget.  Poor kid's really hung up on her.   He asked me what I used to do when a girl I liked got pissed at me, how I got her to forgive me.  I had to laugh at that, 'cause that didn't happen very often.  The forgiveness part, not the pissed-off girl part, ha ha.

I told Jess I had my share of situations kinda like his, girls I liked who didn't know I existed or who dropped me for the jock or the guy with the cool car.  And that I usually did the only thing I knew how to do.  I wrote songs about them.  Sometimes I'd sing them to the girl, try to win her back.  That only worked a couple times.  Mostly I just wrote the lyrics and melodies and filed them away.  A few of them made it onto demo tapes later on, but not many.

Jess just rolled his eyes and shrugged and said "Oh, great."  I asked him what he meant by that and he said "Dad, I can't write her a fucking song!  It would suck and she'd laugh her ass off at me!  I'm not you, ya know."

Gotta admit, that made me both a little proud and a little sad.  But I told him that was bullshit; he could write her a song if he wanted to.  A song is just poetry set to music.  All he had to do was write down what he wanted to say to Bridget.  And if he wanted me to, I'd help him with the music.

That actually got a little smile out of the Boy.  He thought about it a minute, then asked me if I was serious.  I told him Hell yeah -- I was serious as a heart attack.  Together we could write the best damned apology/give me a chance begging song in the world, ha ha.  And I'd even teach him to play it on the guitar so he could serenade her on her balcony, like Romeo and Juliet.

Okay, so apparently I went a little too far with that imagery, but I could tell Jess was seriously thinking about my offer.  I told myself to back off, let the Kid figure things out himself, not to push.  But I was pretty excited about the idea of helping him out.  Maybe it's because I feel guilty and this is a little chance to try to clean up the mess I created.  Or maybe it's because I hate to see the poor kid in misery.  Or maybe it's because I'm an egomaniac who can write a song about any damned thing,  ha ha.

Naw, I'm really just a big hopeless romantic at heart, a sucker for happy endings.  And I really hope Jesse can succeed with this one.  And not just in the "Happy Ending" sense, if ya know what I'm saying, ha ha.  I like this Bridget girl, I think she'd be good for Jesse.

Anyway, I vowed to practice my new mantra of keeping my mouth shut, so I left it alone after that.  I didn't bring up Bridget for the rest of the game, but I did tell Jess I was sorry I won't be around much this summer because of the tour.  He said "it's okay, Dad," like he always does.

That made me even feel worse.  I realized I really didn't want to spend more than half the summer away from my family.  I never did like being gone when school was out, but this year it's gonna be especially hard.  Steph's going off to college, Jess and I have this new phase in our relationship, the Chuckleheads are getting bigger and soon they won't think I'm cool anymore.  I don't want to miss any more moments with my kids than I have to.

So I asked Jess if he'd like to come on the road with us to Europe.  Without asking his mother about it first.  The second the words passed my lips I felt my gut tighten.  Shit.  There I go shooting off my big mouth again.

But thankfully Jesse has a good head on his shoulders.  His first reaction was surprise, then excitement.  But then he said "Uh, Dad... I don't know."  He said it would be really cool to be on the road with us, he had a blast on his birthday weekend.  But he wasn't sure it was the best idea because he needed to find out if he should do something for school, AP courses or volunteer credits or something.

I told him that was fine, to think about it and talk to his guidance counselor and let me know.  And that I'd talk to his mother.  He nodded and smirked.  I know he was thinking about Bridget.  If she gives him a second chance Jesse won't be coming to Europe with me.  Nope, he's gonna give up a chance to tour with the world's biggest rock and roll show.... for a girl.

That's My Boy.

So when I dropped Jess off at home he shook my hand and gave me a hug and said "Thanks for the game, Dad."  I told him to get some sleep and watched him go in the door before I told my driver to bring me home.  I wasn't a block away when I got a text from Jess saying he was gonna write a song for Bridget and he'd like me to help him, if I'm not too busy.

No problem, Son.


10:15
Bedroom

Holy Crap, it's been a long day.  I'm wiped out.

Went with Steph and Dorothea to check out one of the three colleges Steph has narrowed her list to.  It was a nice place, she seemed to really like it.  Small enough that she won't be just a number but not so small that she'll be singled out as the Rock Star's kid.  Good reputation, too.  Apparently right now it's her second choice; she and D went to her first choice last month while I was on the road and they're checking out the third school in May.  Steph has to decide by Memorial Day where's she'll be spending my money come fall, ha ha.

I can hardly believe my Little Girl is almost a grown woman.  In a little more than a month she'll be 18, and off starting a life of her own.  Hope she doesn't forget about me.  I'm so damned proud of her, the beautiful, talented, smart young woman she's become.  I know Dorothea gets 95% of the credit for that but I'm gonna proudly claim my 5%, ha ha.  After all, she's definitely gotten a few traits from me -- her stubbornnness and her temper, at least.

She's an amazing kid, my daughter.  I love her so much.

So while Dorothea was talking to some campus outreach program person today Steph and I wandered around campus a little, just checking things out.  We talked about all the big stuff coming up real soon -- her 18th birthday, prom, graduation.  I asked her if there was anything special she wants for a birthday or graduation gift.  She said she could use a new laptop for school, or an iPad might be nice.

I just smiled. I've already ordered her new car.

And I have another surprise lined up for her, for next week.  I'm gonna tell her next weekend when we're out at the Hamptons house for Easter.  I asked Richie if Nikki would be willing to make Steph a Prom dress, maybe let Steph help design it.  Of course they both jumped at the chance.  So next week Nikki's flying out here to meet with Steph and make it happen.  Steph's gonna be so excited; I can't wait to see her face.

Least I can do for my Baby Girl.  She's a good kid, she works hard, she helps others.  She deserves to be a Princess on Prom night.

And while we were wandering and talking today I asked Steph to do me a favor -- lay off her brother.  I apologized for the whole mess out at the Jersey house last weekend and I admitted what really happened; I went charging down to the Inn because I was sure she and Brendan had snuck down there.

She just rolled her eyes and kinda giggled and sighed "Oh, Daddy... I'm a big girl.  I can take care of myself."  I told her I know that, I just don't want to admit it.  And to cut me some slack too.

My Stephie just gave me a hug and told me it's okay, and she'll back off Jesse.  She said she doesn't think it's cool that Bridget was making out with Jess when she was seeing Brendan's friend, but she guesses she gets it. She knew Jess had a crush on Bridget but she didn't think anything would ever come of it.  Steph said she didn't think Jesse had the balls to even have a coherent conversation with Bridget, let alone make out with her.

Yep, she's my Kid for sure.  Accusing her brother of having no balls.  Then again, maybe she gets that from her Mother.

And now Steph's not sure what's up because she and Bridget aren't talking.  She was just pissed at Jesse for getting in the middle of everything and screwing up their plans for Prom.  I guess Brendan and Steph and Bridget and Whatshisname were all going to double date.  Apparently not anymore.

For once I remembered to keep my mouth shut.  I didn't tell Steph anything Jess and I talked about at the game, or that Jess is still pining for this girl.  I just said I was impressed by Bridget when I met her last weekend, she seemed like an intelligent, sweet, mature young lady.  Steph said yeah, she's really a good person at heart.  And she left it at that.  So did I.

So after our long day out I went back to D's and played with the Chuckles a little bit, then wandered into Jesse's room to see how he was doing.  He was in the middle of trigonometry homework (so I was no help whatsoever, ha ha), but he took a break to say "hey."

I asked him how the lyrics were coming along and he just shrugged and said "okay, I guess."  He didn't want to share yet, said he needs to work on them some more.  I just said okay and told him to hang in there, to call me if he wants to talk.  He agreed and told me songwriting is hard, especially since nothing rhymes with "Bridget."

He's right.  Widget... midget.... that's pretty much it.  Not exactly love song material, ha ha.

Then I headed back here to spend a little time with my Wife who is also dog-tired from her first day back at work.  We're both up and out early tomorrow; she's going to Baltimore to meet with some Assistant U.S. Attorney down there and I'm headed out to Philly for some Foundation stuff.  We promised each other to have a quiet, romantic late dinner when we get back.  Hopefully we'll both be able to stay awake for it, ha ha.

And on that note... lights... OUT.