Tuesday, March 15

7:15 am
Kitchen

Just kissed my Cate goodbye and sent her off to work.  My fantastic wife, my Soulmate, my Savior.

God, how I love her.

She was beyond amazing last night.  So beautiful and smart and poised and charismatic--every eye in the room was on her.  I mean, I know she's all those things, but usually when we're out at an event she kinda hangs back and stays quiet and lets me do my thing.  But not last night.  Last night--Wow.  She was the star.

And Thank God for Cate, because I needed all those eyes in the room to be on somebody besides me.

I did what I had to do, plastered that fake smile on my face and made the rounds, but inside I was boiling.  With every little bit of chit-chat it just got harder and harder for me to be there.  I know that sounds like whiny baby-talk, but the truth of it was that I was disappointed it wasn't me up on that stage last night.

Don't get me wrong--I think the Hall got it right this year, every one of the inductees was very much deserving of accolades.  But Dammit, I wanted to be in that class too.  How great would that have been?  But instead I was schlepping around the bar afterwards pretending to enjoy schmoozing bunch of people I'd be perfectly happy to never see again.

I didn't say anything to Cate but she knew.  She can read me like a book.  And God bless her, she didn't ask, didn't say a thing.  Just gave me a sweet kiss before we got out of the car, told me she loves me, then strutted into that party on my arm and turned on the charm.  I was so stunned at first I didn't realize what she was doing. But when I caught her eye and she smiled at me I knew.

Despite the long, crazy-ass day she had, despite being dead-tired, despite having a head full of all kinds of legal shit about this case she's working, Cate pulled out all the stops for me.  To save me from myself.

We didn't have any sexy little interludes behind the curtains or hiding behind a potted plant or anything, though Cate looked incredibly fuckable in those leather pants.  Hell, even if she had attacked me I don't think I could have done a damned thing about it, my mood was just so black.

But when we got home at 2 am she kicked off her shoes, turned on the stereo, took me by the hand and wrapped her arms around me.  And we danced to the music I love, the real music that should be immortalized in some museum.  Sam Cooke.  The Spinners.  The Four Tops.  Otis Redding.  And a little Southside for good measure.

We danced for a good hour, me just holding on to her for dear life.  She didn't say anything about the Hall or the party or the night.  She didn't have to.  She just gave me what I needed.  She reminded me in her simple, honest way that I'm the most important man in the world to her and to my kids.

And that's a million times greater honor than being in some stupid museum in Cleveland.


11:25 pm
Home

I don't know what just happened.  It all happened so fast.  I just know I don't like it.

Cate just left.  Don't know when I'll see her next.

I hate her job.

Less than an hour ago I was on the treadmill, getting a good sweat on, feeling pretty damned good about myself and my life.  Then here comes my wife, flying in the door and racing through the house to the bedroom, calling out to me that she had to hurry but she needed to talk to me.

Of course I thought something horrible had happened so I jumped off the treadmill and ran into the bedroom to find Cate flinging clothes from her dresser into her suitcase.  My heart stopped for a minute.  I didn't actually think she was leaving me, but I'm ashamed to say the thought flashed through my mind.

Cate dashed by me to her closet and smushed a kiss against my cheek as I stood there staring at her.  She explained very quickly that she's going out on an op and she had to be at JFK in less than an hour.  She did the usual "I'm sorry Baby, but I can't tell you" thing, which pissed me off (again) but I kept my mouth shut.

She said she doesn't know how long she'll be gone, and she'll try to call me later and let me know when she's settled.  Of course she can't tell me where she's going.  But I saw her passport on the bed beside her gun while she was doing a quick-change in her closet.

Jesus, I hope she's not going back to South America.

I tried my best to keep my cool, folded her clothes and packed them in her suitcase while she got her toiletries together.  She packed enough stuff for at least a week; don't know if that's because she was in a hurry or because she knows she's gonna be gone that long.  I hope not; she was supposed to fly out to spend the weekend with me in Vegas.  I was really looking forward to that.

I carried her suitcase to the door while she grabbed some stuff from the office, then I just stood there waiting for her.  I guess I was kinda shell-shocked because I didn't know what to do or say.  I felt completely fucking helpless.  Cate came to the door and put down her bag and took a deep breath.  She gave me a smile and slipped into my arms and just stood there for a full minute, hugging me while I hugged her.  Then we kissed goodbye.

She apologized again and promised to check in as soon as she can.  I told her to be careful and that I love her.  Then I closed the door behind her after she dashed out, off on another assignment.

What else is there to say?  It is what it is, Cate's job.  I'm proud of her, but I really wish she'd quit.  I hate that her job demands so much from her, that it takes her away from me and from us and from our home.

Then again, I'm one to talk.

We both have our Mistresses.

6:55 pm
Trailer

Waiting for makeup.  Filming in Times Square tonight.

No word from Cate yet.

I miss her.